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Audiovisual Cultures episode 121 – Grant Applications

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Paula Blair talks through a successful grant application to Arts Council England, radical honesty, and time-saving strategies. In this episode you’ll get advice on the stages of applying for a grant such as the necessary preparation, where to find specific guidance, compiling a budget and networking. Issues that arise include paying yourself and others fairly, identifying eligibility, what fund is right for your needs, and access requirements for submission. If you get something out of this or know someone who will, please share it.

Music: commonGround by airtone (c) copyright 2018 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial (3.0) license. Edited by Paula Blair with Audacity. Recorded June 2022. Get early access to future episodes on Patreon.

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hello everyone thank hope you’re dating while you’re very welcome to the audio visual cultures the podcast three comments lots of different areas of film and the arts and media I’m your host Paula Blair and today I wanted to talk about his ground applications I’m gonna try to remember to you read my notes slowly and deliberately so that the auto transcription produced by my host a cast has the best chance of keeping up so that these notes which I have hundreds %HESITATION I’ve charted destroying at various times find nice had a bit of a child since usually when I’ve managed to get her to walk and it’s a little bit Sunday and I’ve managed to get some sun if you know me personally you know I cannot bear the coals and I find it really difficult to regulate my body temperature so I am basically a lizard Hey enjoys lying in the sun as much as possible I’ve been really congested it’s this past week but I just saw this was good opportunity to record this because a call quiet heists and the street is quiet at the moment and I just thought I’ll just start recording at least get the first section done so I’m gonna try in to this quite so earlier very free of course to speed it up if you want to read a story or you just want to hear me signed like pinky and perky or alone in the chipmunks whichever references preferable TA so then this can be a bit more accessible hopefully in case when they talk about aids proved useful sandy one and I really hope it well before I get into talking about eight grams applications I want to give my huge thanks to our awesome patrons on Patreon dot com forward slash a C. cultures and a big thanks as well to all of her followers Messner’s as opened in every episode lately we’ve been getting really lovely feedback and and creating a note from my dear friends Mister James hall he has been on the show before and am is a big supporter and Dick said that they just wanted to say that the last episodes of audio visual cultures was really good especially for the generous candor ax ax and that was referring to the episode one hundred and seventeen where I eat I just checked in with everybody and I talk about how things have been going so far this year so in a way this is a bit of a sequel so that so this is high one of the things I talked about it and not turn the heat as I mentioned applying for the grants that I’m going to tell you bites today thought was successful so and I just wanted to share some stuff because it’s a ruling grants from arts council England a lot of people hi to every rind so if I can give back and help other people because there were people he helped me get mine then hopefully we can just keep that circularity main thing in get people more recognition for their work so those of you who know me personally or follow my personal kinds on the socials you might know that hyphen Trent it really take my life and career and hands this year so I decided that twenty twenty two was the year in which I was determined to make things happen for myself I was feeling really stagnant appoints the podcast and I was feeling very stuck in terms of being able to get a job have more income and T. something west my skills and knowledge and developer writing career and there’s been a lot holding me back from all of those things so I’ve talked a bit about that in the past in may will come up again it’s not really going to be the focus of what I want to talk about today so I suppose it’s just giving you a bit of background about where I am and where I’ve been I knew going into the center of her that I needed to prepare myself mentally for a process that would involve a lot of rejection disappointment and feelings of failure and so I went into this trying to embrace failure and embrace it just not working I did just not happening inspired very much by Maisie hill he I’ve mentioned before you know I’m trying to realize and remember the thought to some have to mean anything about me S. I. M. rejected from jobs that I apply for even though I’m perfectly qualified leads and I have experience or transferable skills it doesn’t say anything about me as a person if I tried it and it hasn’t worked on aids and a lot of the times and may just be I haven’t beat the algorithm because that’s how a lot of recruitment searches work Miami is our applications are three programs algorithms that Packer eight certain words and if you don’t have to spas words that they’re looking for %HESITATION or at least not in the right places you’re gonna get chucked alright so they’re talking I perfectly good applications because sometimes humanness and even reading them so there’s a lot of factors that go into a not getting shortlisted for a check up but again that’s not what we’re talking about today but again part of the broader boxed off of all of this this is something I’ve been doing to normalize failure is I’ve been posting to my blog and that is find out P. A. B. L. A. I. R. dot blogspot dot com and I’ve been posting on the blog rejected cover letters and supporting statements and project proposals so this was I suppose a form of cathartic release as well as a way of setting the record show that I tried and not I continue to try and the face if all of that rejection so I’ve had some very warm responses to these as well and it’s got me thinking about how you dismayed I am that making the effort two times guter flowing prose and narratives can’t beat the algorithm and I find it really so less T. tryin rights statements that might speak the algorithm so I think that’s something I’ve realized by myself very recently and sites you know I need to think about what kind of writer I might that I feel like I cannot compromise on that anymore and I’ve been getting complimented a lot on the very personable way that I try to write and that is very much what the Scranton surprised that I’m I’m going to tell you about it so it’s a mentions in hundred and seventeen if the opposites ago I’ve been putting more energy into seeing what I’m saying S. H. all these notes that is writing and that brings me to the my kidneys the so this block of notes I wrote on Thursday the second of June and on Monday the thirtieth of may I was notified that my application to the arts council England’s developing your creative practice grants scheme was successful no this episodes is releasing an eighth July when I should be in my research phase but as I write I haven’t told very many people and it’s been a real flurry of activity to get the paperwork sorted to secure the money and kept picking on to training courses and ordering backs because it started this week I’m recording this first block of what I want to say and this episodes on Friday the tenth of June I technically started to make rounds periods on Wednesday %HESITATION September first two days and really it’s two days a week up until the end of February so I basically have a part time job until the end of February at this point but I still got the money three but it was just one of the core says surrounding started on Thursday yesterday so I just got started with the whole thing this week I should stress that this is not a huge grounds but the point of this game S. T. buy yourself time and to get skilled up bits hi are you gonna step up your practice it’s with the intention of leading to your career development it’s basically the time and money in this space to really push three and step up with your career development what that means for me is it covers fees for some specific types of writing course fees to pay people for me to enter he and to get mentoring from and it will give me his face for my time spent developing the skills and then moving into testing ites the writing practice I want to develop I’m not writing practice is a creative critical practice that combines life riding our trading and creative nonfiction so it’s really space to experiment with those and see if I can develop a pic manuscripts from not kind of bland of things because you know me I can’t just do one thing here as we were talking about it and the previous episodes with Jordan lamb everything’s connected and for me things are very fluid and borderless so that’s exactly what my writing is going to pay it’s going to be from a personal perspective but it’s still I still wanted to have her bust researching criticism and analysis but also to be accessible creative nonfiction as well I want people to want to read it to enjoy reading at CP and rolled in the narratives and T. G. something that gets people excited about art and I said if it’s people he wouldn’t normally engage with art and culture even better so it’s quite big aims and intentions there so this is going to be as they say two days a week until February so I’ve got two days a week eight four console into February which is a massive relief U. S. I was mad as I was saying earlier I’ve made this really concentrated efforts over the past six months or so really since late twenty twenty one to apply for jobs and funding and the two things that have come of all of all of the many things I’ve applied for while they’re not a listing or earning me enough to have financial freedom you enough for their sense it is a bit of breathing space and it’s supposed to do with writing and there’s things that I really feel and taste of bytes limit excited about them so without feels goods and I don’t feel so bad about the rejections because you have to be perfectly honest to buy those things my motivations are always floods when I apply for certain jobs and these are the sorts of things I really want to say but it’s just a real pity that they’re not taken seriously enough that there’s actual proper page work especially if you’re trying to transition from a career paths that distant and quite go where you imagined it might and you turn it something different this feels really difficult since he’s out certain I and a lot of my friends have done this and it really hasn’t been easy and I think mine is quite directionless because I can only ever be a freelancer from this but again I digress what will happen quite a lot said bear with me as a side note I has been applying T. select academic positions I wasn’t applying for every job on the market hi Kerry had done before but select places around a certain places I would be prepared to go tape seeing that I’m not that wasn’t all it was applying for I was I was trying other things as well but I just didn’t have the precise experience that anybody was asking for to give me a chance and I haven’t done any volunteer work in those sectors at least not for quite a long time I just didn’t have the experience that they wanted they wanted somebody I think very often it’s not necessary that they wanted it sets people who have the experience or looking for appliance Seton Catholic and one of the Jacksons I had was really lovely and it showed to me that you’re a human being had actually read my application and appreciate at the thought that I put into it some thought felt really kids whereas all the other attractions I pod of to spend from it Charlie and just the same form rejection that everybody’s getting some of them coming three at midnight at the weekend which is really on professional universities stopped a month of April it’s not that I’m pulling it’s very at that time but it’s just I can see what time it sent out as not okay working ours plays like this is why there’s a massive crisis in academia the minute because you’re treating people like machines saying that applying for those academic positions and feeling very Mister play out it it should be why I wanted to re embrace rejection and failure I think of it more as reeling things right for me and making a decision for me so that I wouldn’t sign for it anymore I wouldn’t be going what ifs I feel sorry for me that you need to apply for stuff because she one hundred percent on cat it if you don’t apply and then if you apply and you don’t get it well that’s your decision made free eight there’s nothing else you can say about that and you know we stand because it sets when you’re young and you’re trying to date yet and you’re trying to ask people are you done it’s such a brave thing to do is to ask somebody all right again not something I never had very much success huts but it’s good because I would spend aegis pining over somebody and imagining that they were feeling the sting and bite me and they never were you know and hi many people who actually were interested in me was I ignoring because I was pining over somebody else he really didn’t want me in that way and it’s better to just know mean fantasizing sign but it’s better to just know where you are and things like that so that he can just move on and get on with something else and so wasting your time we’re so limited you know I can listen to me as a hell and her period part podcast has been really helpful in helping me I suppose firm up to those ideas I I knew that I should be thinking like thoughts but I wasn’t practicing it properly and I think listening to her has really urged me to date out properly because apart from anything I’m thirty seven I’m too old to pine over things and you know I’ve done enough mourning for the life that didn’t turn out to be for me you know it’s time to just get on with what is for me and get on with finding that you know so with academia as well there’s a lot of troubling stuff going on in and it is a profession that is harming people one way or another it is harming people I’m a survivor of thought harm and I know %HESITATION of folk he didn’t make it and they didn’t make it in the most heart breaking of Weiss you know when I have other people in my life here also survivors he I’ve also been transitioning away from it it is like coming out of an abusive relationship and it’s just takes a lot of time to work outside of your system and find another way especially when if you were like me you really need to go if I you you want to thought sure life and your career and G. three yourself and to identifying yourself and not why that’s a lot to let go of it really is see you so I don’t say any of this lightly a toll but I do feel that I’m done and then I have something else to offer that I have other things that I can find content content because that really doesn’t matter so much more than the job and that means I’m even more happy to have been offered this grounds it really means a lot it’s really validating it gives me permission to try something I didn’t believe for the longest time was open to me to try that’s why I wanted to take time to talk through this in case anyone who listens regularly or he stumbles upon this right there on the internet this is for you Hey this is to try and communicate to people thank you you can feel that maybe those opportunities can be for you Terry or that you can dare to try even when you don’t really believe last because you one hundred percent won’t get it if you don’t try so I want you to feel like he can and you should just try just give it a try what are you going to lace ET and a chance that something might happen I also wanted to talk three my experience of this application process in case any of the tapes on the approaches to applying for a grant could be useful more broadly so this is going to be really specific to the arts council England and this particular phone said D. Y. C. P. fund that is quite a personal funds it’s primarily for individuals who may be very very small grapes it’s to develop your practice and it’s a small ground it’s between two and ten Tyson’s pines but I will try to generalize as much as I possibly can and Casey advice as transferable wherever you are a lot of this advice is also coming from the very generous people he picked their own experiences online and he attended supports and discussion sessions and contributed their own experiences so so much of what I’m gonna tell you E. as not just coming from maybe it’s coming from a really wide range of people who’ve been really generous and shared dais of so I’m trying to share it as well his the Marvis to can be successful the better for the arts this is better for us old and more office can access these things solo getting awarded the grant is my achievement I did take advice from many sources and Bob have full of preparation and generous sharing please K. E. T. my first time success I mean not as a point in itself when I say first time I mean it’s the first time I completed the submission this is important because my first point is that the application needs to be led by a genuine idea and needs to be something that you are doing or that you want to be able to say something you have an idea for already and that you can’t make that step with the help of the arts counselor here for the funding party as an autumn twenty twenty for a long box three to the S. I wanted to apply for a much more ambitious projects grants from arts council England and I designed a podcast series specifically to apply for that night the idea it was an aids kids it’s a solid idea could still be done but I brown it passed a few people and they thought it would be really axle and they thought it was a great idea it really has my ex and I should go for it but when it came to the crux my motivation was wrong I was staying at as an attempt to make paid work for myself and it wasn’t necessarily work my heart was truly and also the things I budgeted a rinds kept changing and the people I wanted to involve also had dramatic changes in circumstances and one person actually died of cold foods another became debilitating the L. so then mentally I wasn’t in a good place to be overcome and keep everything every time something else happens I felt more and more frivolous and it felt more Mar few tile because people I wanted to involve just Martin bear anymore and and the scientists possible ways and this was a dear friend as well so it was quite a tough time anyway and it is best to step back and just give it a better time I made the decision to leave it and then twenty twenty one I may use increasingly towards working on myself both in terms of my house and professionally I just felt increasingly that I couldn’t be part of a team and property contributes or needs when I’m broken and I was feeling unrest so that’s what he said I took some time I it’s kept up to podcasts they kept up momentum on this show but otherwise and you know I’ve tried to do the paths of writing but I think even that one by the way side in this twenty twenty one and by the end of that year I was better at going okay you need to set clear pine trees and communicate them because I think this is been a big problem with me is that I haven’t seen clear enough supply my own pine trees even to myself and that can lead to you feeling like people are walking all over you and taking advantage when sometimes you need to look at your own behavior and thank well you said it’s that person yeah sure just give me insight I can help I’m happy to help and then when they take your phone masts it’s just a taking up and not more than you anticipate it’s on more than you actually felt comfortable with he got annoyed with them and you have to sing that’s not really fair because you’re the one he said yeah sure and then just expected them to know what was too much not some already fire so I think communication is really the key there and even being clear in myself you’re anticipating no if that becomes too much I look at cranky again he’s at somebody really doesn’t deserve it that’s just not a cast so far so it’s a P. I think just about self evaluation and self awareness is really important and I felt that the only person who could take any of that and hand with me it was signed to me to sort out all right it’s no one else’s responsibility and I started writing again and I have been without really realizing it what I’ve been doing is attempting radical honesty maybe that’s too much I don’t know but I suppose I’ve just been trying to be honest and my writing even when that means confronting something potentially unpleasant by myself because I think in doing that I’m not putting myself dying it’s not being self deprecating it’s a way of I suppose and our need to empathize with yourself as an M. perfect being and then hopefully you can empathize with other humans he are also imperfect moral just voluntary not really knowing how to get this human being saying rights I fell in love with art again and I leaned into that’s a big part of that was the Turner prize show to be honest those shows so not just the shipping not just a radical access but I think the whole show %HESITATION who’s a real celebration of creativity and possibility and working C. Cassar and community so I think that really helps to sparks me up again got me on my way inspired me to start writing again so I really leaned into what I enjoy what I take comfort from I started tracking my menstrual cycle so that I can learn what to expect from my mates and my energy levels and highly unlikely to be affected my brain and my thinking and I am getting better at saying no I’m not happy by thoughts and being more discerning about what I say yes to you on what the terms of that yes might be something I’ve done it seems like quite a small thing but it’s actually really changed the game for me I am priest increasingly automated systems so my pre energy S. and I was taken up by a three inning minds of Othman then I’m not really getting paid for you know I’ve been guesting on other podcasts and I’ve been nicking ideas from high they deal with their guests so it been using Collins lady finally to arrange appointments it’s amazing how powerful it fails to just block off loads of time say none of those days are appropriate none of those times our progress if you want to negotiate something because we’re dating of the timezone okay but it is just sending a message of a company to invest millions of emails back and forth so all the information is and not the kind of stuff they do things like that and with help from other places I got myself into a better mindset and a place of much more as they say radical on the stage and really confronting myself I’m not and I’m self abusing way Hey and a and a very realistic way basically what we say analysts are of having a word with yourself it’s just you know I’m catching myself on this would have been saying and that’s why I was able to go right that should try this and just be open about trans stuff and seeing how it went there’s nothing left today’s iPhone plan a fun mocking a fight with different approaches to our trading and self writing for a really long time get known for fifteen years nine but in some ways maybe a lot longer than that and I’ve always wanted it to be accessible because my learning about art and artists film wasn’t always accessible in fact a lot of it was right right combative and I think this is something I talked about it with Robertson St I’ve done a couple of things with him on my own you tube channel there’s an N. conversation between us and I pretty sure we talked about this specifically and the episode of sunny punks I did with Robert a bites my it’s Aron I think we talked about our film education and a specific person who taught us artists cinema he was a great person great academic terrible teach sure that’s the sort of inspiration I hides I don’t know what it is what you call it when you’re inspired to do the opposite way of somebody puts out was when I traded in my teaching was everything that person didn’t date you know and I feel very strongly that art and creativity should be for everyone not the a late fee he got to determine tastes and fashions and the PO’s words I want to make accessible to others what was not accessible to me what did not feel accessible to me as somebody from a disadvantaged working class backgrounds he was never in the habit of going to E. R. calories before the age of about eight twenty to hear something and even after that even when I was doing a PhD on a lot of that stuff are you still didn’t feel silly welcome and the spaces or that I was allowed to be in them and I don’t want people feeling that way about the arts I think they should be for everyone that has taken a while for me to believe this is possible and a few good friends have been fundamental and convincing me of laughs my dear friends Sophia grace Borda and twine Miller has been championing me and my work for years they’re not the only ones but these two in particular I think over the past couple of years have just been very quietly behind the scenes checking in on me and just supporting my work and certain ways and on those of you who to be has been really really supportive and lots of different ways I think the way they’ve been dating and and has mental and I’m I’m not sure that they know the top so I just wanted to put it right there you know Sylvia and the past two years has got me work Sri SA commissions and she’s pasted me west catch ups over Skype working with an E. at our time difference because she’s right in British Columbia why has been amazing and encouraging my creativity I paraphrased her actually and my arts council application when I told them that a compliment I get for my writing ng is set it’s as if I’m sitting telling it’s TA over a cuppa and that makes me feel so warm inside and I want all of my writing to come across our way is if I’m sitting having a Natter with CA if I’m to develop a style it should be that that’s what I intend today that’s what I am experimenting with all the time because when we are relaxed we can enjoy things and learning and sharing ideas should be enjoyable and I think it should be joyous there’s so little to be positive for bites and the world at the moment it is terrifying I thought her there’s awful things happening terrible conflicts and rights are being stripped away that were hard fought for and it is scary there he knows who’s people fighting with each other on the internet a boy a couple they don’t personally know whose lives have just been laid bare for the world and they’re more concerned without then so much else thanks so much so much social injustice is happening and it’s pretty upsetting to me you know I just want this to be enjoyable joyous to feel contentment but today I mean dealing with difficult topics but it doesn’t have to be in a way that makes people feel guilty about everything all the time or is trying to cause a stir fights or I wanted to be rooted in empathy and compassion if we can do that and maybe that’s from the specific contacts and I’m coming from you know where have dealt with such complex cases of victim perpetrator dichotomies and the same person and I know hi complicated it’s things casts so I really try not to be judgmental and I and I do stress the tri part because I don’t always get this right I am human so that’s what I’m aiming today is not kind of writing practice and I am C. hone and develop that over the coming months that that’s got on to the six Assabet because I’ve bothered on a loft haven’t even really properly started yet I’m specifically to developing a creative critical non fiction writing practice with a view to producing back manuscript my topic is one I’ve been working on gradually since twenty seventeen so it’s been a slow log T. got to this point and inspiration from my friends the novelist and playwright J. A. Mensah who when I told her about using my blog to draft work that I’d Polish and refine for academic publication later asked a strictly why does it have to be academic what if the personal voice and transparency about your research journey is your voice and will be more fun and accessible to rate thought has been working on me Giuliana since November twenty nineteen you know so that’s really what I was staying that’s what I was working on when I was doing all those blog posts %HESITATION a by Chargers from the wreck of the unbelievable but then of course twenty twenty the enormity of the pandemic tickets toll and the strain of locked signs took their toll and I ran out of steam and it felt very frivolous and the face of so much collective trauma my freelance work straight after that year as well and the anxiety up I thought was really awful it was really a lot to overcome personally for me this missile really slow burn I had looked into the arts council funding for podcasting before as it sets and the hips are stringent and I felt disingenuous I experience I read carefully what you could apply for and then earlier this year I read up more carefully what you could apply for when going for developing your creative practice and it being a small grounds I figured that it would be a lot more manageable and attainable his this fund is all about the creator and it’s not about a project and can work two words projects you can produce something artifacts but it is a bite stepping up your skills and taking risks to expand what you Dave and this is really key I understand the fund you’re applying for and make sure you’re eligible a fundamental part of this game is identifying why yearly and white knight I’m not needs to be genuine and it needs to be convincing for me I was at a point where I couldn’t get myself any further on my own I need access to training and resources and paid time to experiment with site the anxiety of not earning money and feeling like the work was a luxury too far I feel like an upset a freeloader which I’ve probably mentioned before I feel like an absolute free loader and I’m not happy about it begin this money coming straight at validates me excuse me a part time job for the next four months so now I feel like I can settle into just doing the work because it is getting paid it feels the gentleman this point is important as well he needs to make sure that you and anyone else here involving is paid fairly cannot just paid not just paid a fee and a fee that actually work site at less than minimum wage okay the point of this is that people get paid properly for their labor no meaning despite people who’ve managed to get me a favor for some writing commissions I am very grateful for those you know I am but let’s all be honest here sometimes see in mind take at isn’t even that day rates for something that’s taken a couple of weeks to put together or maybe it’s something that I worked on for a couple of months and I might to money that wouldn’t even cover rent that’s the sort of thing I’m talking to buy this is proper paid time now this fund is public money and is provided by the government so you have to show why the work is important and can only be funded by top fund by that scheme by thought console private funding body so arts council England are fairly clear that they also need and turned to show central government hi much work involved he the arts have okay so this isn’t just for us this is for them to this is for all of us and the arts we have to show you the value of the arts in doing this we have to fight for their case and so making sure that you have a cute and realistic fee for your only upper is really power mind thoughts and Tyrone guidance as well you should be getting paid fairly and getting paid well for your work this is a tough one to figure right and I really needed help us initially I figured a fifty point day rates would be fine at two days a week thoughts when I arrived to us when I was working I’d eat our days on the a real living wage rounded up a bit I had seen this on an example of a six Assabet that was shared online I think I find it on the white jeep they have great resources if you’re applying for funding and I highly recommend having a look at their website to buy just all the stuff that they’re doing the doing great work so I thought about re it seems fair if somebody else had arrived at the same conclusion however Lela star in the film he runs the northeast cultural freelancers face spec grip and it says Anil rinds force of nature and northeast cultural spheres she hosted a really informative discussion on same there were only six of us there but it was so useful and supportive during that Leila was firm that you must ask for your birth as well as asking for what you need and she made this suggestion which I took on board to have sacked birthday rates depending on what kind of work you’re going to be daring so for example my day rates for the research and training thesis of my grounds timeline are more modest but more than the minimum I was previously allocating for myself and then my writing and editing rate is much higher than the than the training right because that’s when I’m going to be applying the new skills and actually working towards CPEC manuscripts %HESITATION I’m gonna have a lot more knowledge under my belt I’ll have from practicing I’ll have been really pitching up the scales so I will command a higher rate at that point and I think that’s something you come to be behind the door bites he has to know that you will commands that rate he will command this money and I think it’s well in my case to be just the racks of both tests I think given my academic publishing experience already I think I already shoots command a higher rates but people see as just starting our youths as she haven’t on that particular motive this thing before %HESITATION very much my writing and editing skills are already strong purchase taking a different direction on what I sympathizing with for a long time is really stepping up and becoming formalized and much more polished I think when you’re budgeting they can see and Ascari ends up bites day rates for certain skills and tasks so you don’t sell yourself short while remaining realistic he can’t ask for astronomical machines has to be a decent day rates enormity alone it’d RT rate or whatever just today read this a lot simpler and it was easier to work eight weeks since today part time in case anything else work sites and then I’d still be able to date but just pivoting at bats you know so you do need to give yourself the time to really plan if you find tax useful with your podcasts we’ve got two options for you you can subscribe to the audio visual cultures podcast when you change for captioned videos and you can visit all the visual cultures dot com and click the transcripts top both sites are linked in the show notes along with information like this episode sounds in this next part a few days later it’s snowy Monday the thirteenth of June and so in for my money becomes very I’ve had no notification then anything’s gone wrong so now it’s just a matter of waiting for the money so M. square an anxious tanks it doesn’t quite feel real yet until I actually have it but there we go so the next point I wanted to eat Turkey three was lacking in asking Orion’s is really important to get a general sense of doing the application I’m putting it together but also specifically and completing each statement that you need to make so depending on the type of phone that you’re going for you’re gonna have to break things Stein am I mistaken me it’s when I was saying my the initial one I try to go for which is a project grounds I wrote quite a bake T. PH proposal and that is not high he submit your information it’s all quite broken up and divided into separate sections you know there’s no point in actually writing I it’s a beautiful Lhasa he or a prose proposal I’m a you want to save with all the information it because it’s too much to unpack a old with arts council England they tend to ask you things in separate categories so you have to sit Mets individual answers for specific questions on you probably gonna have a word limit on that and then it can be quite constructive so that’s why it’s worse really looking around and really taking as much advice as she can kiss I was fully prepared for the Betty ness of it all and any funding body that you’re applying to you should provide guidance and arts council England does provide quite thorough guidance for filling in its forms and as I said before people are very generous at posting redacted copies of their submission and I will do that at some point in the future with mine you know you have to think about eight tests that the funding body wants to give you the money but yes the applicant have to convince them that you’re eligible and that you need it and that you need it from them I reiterate it really ought to be a genuine projects or goals that you really want to work to words he can’t really just play supermarket sweep when planning your budget you really need to plan a very carefully and needs to be things said he actually needs ands up properly researched costs C. conscious mind everything up to the nearest for example I’m doing a course one of the courses I’m doing costs a hundred and twenty nine pines it come right not up to a hundred and thirty or a hundred and fifty or something like that the pick the actual cost of it in there for them so they know exactly what you need and then as I mentioned check with the funding check with whatever it is you’re going for but I’ve put in a very modest contingency funds just in case prices went up before I was able to back but that may well be money that you end up not getting in the end you know R. II have to get back or something if it’s not used you have to be ready genuine and up from to buy thought you know so in my case is vile with researching my costs there are two writing courses and I’m going to be today and that sorry Keerthi ma on seat the practice and I’m developing and I probably could have done a lot more it’s just stays with the on the to read the timing worked tight while there were others I find and they were happening before the decision dates for the grounds so I couldn’t and create those because they’re happening after I would even find nights whether I kept the ground or not and you can’t spot to see things and you start to pay for something you already a ton because the whole point is that I can’t afford to do this just myself I need the money to pay for it you know so I’ve already started with those courses and I’m not a really short because it started before the money’s come straight but the money’s coming so you know I can manage for a couple of weeks and these courses it’s not just learning about the subject but it’s also %HESITATION that they give me a better community because I’m gonna have classmates and I’m gonna have it an instructor a teacher on each of those so we’ll have some guidance and mentoring even if it’s just for that specific period of time or for that specific practice but it will hold it’s a really good way of getting mentoring and a very structured way where he can also tested all rights as well because then I’m not really having to go and find somebody to be a specific mentor for me but I’m getting some kind of mentoring and feedback which is get them you know in a structured way and not and not necessarily just from the instructor but from peers as well for me as well there are also specific people that I want to see interviewee and I’ve given a clear justification for who those people are and I’ve allocated a generous day rates to offer to them and then that Sir my contingency comes in as well so if I offer somebody a particular Reetz and they say I’ll do it for and if I have enough budget for the laughs then maybe I can a great slots so you really do need to take the time to research I think three I think what is fair what is a favorite to pay people so it’s good to see look around at what’s a good rates C. pay for someone’s expertise as well as your own you really do need time to research and think through all of these aspects of menu clear on them you can right stronger proposals statements and bills here narratives that will convincingly addressed the Y. ye and Y. noisy questions in a specific fund for the D. Y. C. P. funds and likely many others I had to ask someone for a letter of support to submit with my application one of the participants in the northeast creative freelancers coal eight talks about it earlier had previously had a successful bids and really generously shared their letter of support and they stress that it was from an organization and it was an organization that the arts council also part funds on a regular basis and the letter that was submitted to post on the organization’s headed latter paper lucky but it’s part of the narrative as well I suppose I was in a good position to be able to do something quite similar because I was able to ask someone who is both a friend of mine but is somebody who had actually commissioned me to do something for it an arts council funded projects that they had before and then they were really happy because they were happy with my work on that and we’ve got a really good relationship the make already ninety some sort of working friendship as well as an actual friendship and they were really happy to see right the latter to endorse me on behalf of their organization so do you really think about it what networking you’ve already done what organizations or people or businesses or whatever it might be he T. already have that you’ve got a good relationship with and if he hung on any of that where can you build one where could you start to the network and and she sure south to people and be a presence so that he can try and build that up and make yourself known to people so that they’ll be really happy to endorse you process kind of ladder you know and if it’s relevant to the the thing you’re applying for then not so much the better this was something that my person could say as well as that they were looking for it’s being able to work with me again and that this would open up the possibility for staying a lot more workshops to gather because I’ll have a live streaming and I’ll be able to pass it on to other people so that was a really big bonuses at yes it’s all about it maybe but then is there another step to it when it comes to writing your own statements for the application follow to the latter the guidance provided it and look for a relevant examples online of this I really can’t stress that enough it doesn’t have to be worded perfectly and needs to be really clear what you’re talking about there needs to be very clear narrative of what it is you’re dating and a very clear justification you know very cleared all checks so what you’re saying so for arts council England the white jeep website has great resources and if you do an internet search there are quite a few individuals who share theirs in redacted form on their own websites and blogs that something I’m planning to G. as well for mine and I might even offer mindset the White Pete this wild so do you see quite those sorts of things but also check you cheap because there’s a lot of really helpful videos you know funding bodies like arts council England are actively trying to be more inclusive and they do you want people to win the money so our screen to linger in house a channel for live video resources a lot of them have taxed talking images closed captions on their versions with British sign language as well so they’re really trying to be as inclusive as possible and they also need to make the case to the government that we should be awarding more suit to take their advice because they’re the ones here then talking directly to the government and convincing them that this is what people are capable of if you give them these grounds these are the positive things that can come of that use direct clear language right thank you human it’s fine to date short direct sentences that’s actually really ideal because there should be no ambiguity there should be nothing left for them to have to just figure it out for themselves it should be up so that they could hear what you’re saying and to remember G. experience things and tailor it concisely do you explain things that might be nice and don’t take for granted someone else’s knowledge of something or their understanding on the part of the people here assessing your application don’t assume they know everything about what you’re talking about it you need to explain it to them but anyway that just get some up to spades and it’s clear why it’s important and do you always try to get someone preferred place someone with maybe some application experience and success but just really anyone at all that you can get to death to have a look over what you’ve written and make sure it’s really care if they have questions or if they think of something that you might wanna ads and that’s really goods process you need to address those things if there are gaps and something soft not for the experience or if they think of something that you haven’t thought of yourself I shared my drafts with person I asked to provide money supporting statements and they made really great suggestions justice strengthen certain points and be even more convincing you know so it was a really useful process where sharing my drive to work so they were up to speed on what I what it was I was applying for but also they were able to feed back and say you know I know you might be up to see your word limit but can you eat out they send because I think that would really strengthen this particular point and then I would go and I’d federalist some saying I’d say right what words here are non essential and that’s why we did it and I would just find a better space even if it was just to be able to pay for words and see more clearly expressed something where the four words elsewhere that were expendable you want addictive suggested need to be there for example no with this specific grounds with developing your creative practice and I could likely applied see any kind of creative grant that he has spoke of the the case was just by any creative ground you need to supply a sample of your work for example if your portfolio and so this needs really careful consideration what are you going to show them what past prepares them for what it is she intend to stay with the money no because this fund is about developing your creative practice you need to show proof that you both already going in that direction but that’s some things preventing your progression and so the samples ought to indicates as well as back up your claims that you’re ready to step up and only need the right support and resources that only dot funder can provide to you so if you’re someone he has financial freedom and you can just go and buy your supplies and go into the course says this fund is not free a it’s for people who are prevented from being able to just state that it’s for people who are able to demonstrate like I’m on the pathway to this but I’m really stock because of financial reasons because of health reasons because of other stuff going on in my life I need the support and this is another point I was told the funder needs to feel need it this was something I was advice I think it was really left he advised S. he can only do it because of them and I again that still needs to come from an honest place it has to be genuine that it really can only be from them if you’re gonna go down that road you know if you’re gonna make a kind of claim as a safe you’re independently wealthy he need not apply because these funds are for people he just can’t do it by themselves regardless and it is based on needs and demonstrating that needs additionally this will be different from other funds but the developing your creative practice grounds do not expect a finished product they’re not by producing something there’s no end product the end product is that you have increased your skills and your knowledge and your ability to work you know that is standpoint it is preparing you for being able to go on and purchase a piece of work that you couldn’t have done the site this opportunity so if you have a goal for what you want to achieve from the development area it’s in my kiss it’s a back manuscripts and an idea of publishing options plus the ability and the confidence to pass my training and knowledge on to others then upset the day stay at that but it’s not a requirement you’re not required to have thought all figured out yet so whatever kind of funding you’re applying for the really clear on any I come to man’s the funding body has what is contingent on you getting the money and be clear on what your needs C. at the very least report on because even for fun like this you need to purchase a report at the end of it to get the last ten percent of the funds and it’s okay to feel I think failure is fine because the whole point of D. Y. C. P. S. dot E. experiment and you test things and the whole part of that process is that you can feel it thought and then maybe find your direction so as far as I’m aware it’s fine and completely encouraged to report on on anything like that you it’s best to be really up front about how things have gone and where you are by the end if the funding periods but this includes where things haven’t gone to plan I’m not should be okay as long as you’re transparent I thought and that you’ve done what you kids you may be a course didn’t turn right the way you thought it was going into the army of the life happens he and you couldn’t write as much as you thought you were going to be able to say there’s a particular person I want to enter V. I don’t know if I’ll be able to track that person’s nine NFL consent to that so that might be part of my project that feels and I am gonna try everything I can but I’m open to that no parking ites and this is another quick pointed by the budgeting of mentioned before that I’ve added a small contingency funds because prices could increase I may need more pics and I planned for because maybe their core specs for the courses I’m going to say that I don’t know about yet and not not has happened about two more picks than I’d planned C. because Sam they were suggested by the course and I’m currently saying but I’m actually under budget because I bought the backs from a second hands place resident brownie so I’ve managed to save a bit of budget and then I have a bit more for sex in stationary he said I’d originally planned so he can treat myself to some really nice notebooks because actually %HESITATION low note thanks so well the Hyundai for any on time travel as well because at the minute I haven’t planned in any trouble because I can see any part of this work I can do remotely I’ve gone for online courses the people I want to send to your get mentoring from we should be able to say everything if I as a means for example that need to be some travel will come up because what if the person I want to interview once Saddam persons that might involve travel for one or both of us and I’ll be on me so I think as long as it’s modest as long as it’s not a wild amount of money for me maybe I went too modest I asked for just a hundred pines for a buffer and that might not even turn out to be enough but I can pay somebody out of my own family F. I need today by the end if it’s not enough nice supposed to make an end to the fun part the submission process submitting your prepares application arts council England’s uses an online submission portal called around two AM I can’t speak for others but what I can tell you is that this particular form his user unfriendly sorry arts council but it is tray it is not an easy process even if you quite tacky the user interface is very counter intuitive a lot of the time I’m quite challenging to navigate it I think because of the language that she says and necessarily line shared of silicon take a bit of taking a rinds and consulting guidance for how to use it to be pretty find your way properly with what today so it is really quite complex and it is not self explanatory assistant example whatever it is you’re applying to he ever you’re planning to give yourself plenty of time to submit to go through the submission process I spent a few weeks gradually preparing and re drafting my application statements and documents and then when I came to submit it took me over two hours to get everything and and done properly it wasn’t just a matter of copying and pasting everything in there were ways of and petting information that were unexpected it’s there was just a lot to have to figure right as she went and to double check and make sure you got everything in the right place and all of this and I was warned I have been advised that it could be quite tricky so I submitted mine the day before the deadline and that meant I had heaps of time and I lost and panicked I briefly would advise against it even up to the wire you should make sure you’ve got heaps of time so that you don’t miss the deadline because just about everywhere I think it’s going to be really strict but thought so whatever system you’re going to have to use try to find people to talk today you have prior experience of it and be as prepared as you can maybe for any eventuality so for mine I had C. have a map that plan of action that was very clear in time today it adds and it doesn’t have to be rigid and it can change but there should be really clear phase says on a timeline that makes sense so it should show you how you’re planning to progress three year funding period on the ground teams form this takes quite awhile to fell in because she’s doing a little bit it’s individually he can’t just upload your spreadsheets are your table that you’ve made for yourself you have to fill it in and then their specific way filling N. which can take a bit of getting used to you have to look up what terms apply to be the type of thing that you hear and petting because they have a maybe a different way of wording what it is that you’re doing so it’s not a simple as so for example my resources that I was asking for the pics and better money for stationary not would come under assets to them so you need to look up water all these titles that they’re giving first things and what comes under that you know what is my stuff is relevant son you really do need to get an accurate so take the time to look at the guidance that’s provided to liquor bottle coins for each term so this can all take quite awhile to fill in but it will be easier if you have some needs tables or a spreadsheet for yourself as an example again I have a research and training phase then %HESITATION research and networking FIIs followed by a further training and practice VS and then a time to racy is culminating and mentoring and feedback some of this is determined by the timing of the courses that I’m saying %HESITATION so one of them is happening really quickly and then another one isn’t until late October so that’s why I’m a bit back and forth with the training it’s coming and we have some rather than in a chronological order in a way but %HESITATION Ryan does I’ve read it carefully worked at all all right so that it shoots get me wearing EM to pay from Jane until February budget planning here is also essential so I spoke earlier by working I could fees for yourself and anybody who’s involved be sure about it what’s it’s fine for you to ask for and again make a spreadsheet that calculates sold lots and to get to the penny due to the point and I stress again only ask for things the oxy genuinely needs and are eligible for depending on the funds you’re not going to be simply get a new laptop I’d effects and they typically won’t cover anything that you already have or pay for for personal use or other work the E. J. and must be a necessity that is specific to the project the budget can also be a bit bewildering seat and and conte M. E. need to state your overall better minds than break tying costings according to type you’ll need to be clear on what the costing type for each item is a sign which is to say can be counter intuitive the guidance provided by the funding body should have those things explains again G. read this property before and sharing your preparation and submission if you’re able to access it I think in the guidance it didn’t necessarily tell me exactly what the terms were and it wasn’t tell a call to the actual submission form so again just be prepared for that it’s going to take a better time to just ensure that you called the right categories for things an important note is ours consul England a lawyer for application support and if you have some sort of hindrance or difficulty in submitting your application and require access support throughout your project it is find out those for other funders to track their information on those sorts of things I can’t tell you much more beyond that this just exists because other than some confusion and mild swearing on the computer while I was submitting I managed assessment fine by myself but if you’re for example visually impaired dyslexic or have a disability that prohibits you from undertaken these kinds of tasks by yourself then you can have somebody help you with it and %HESITATION submit on your behalf and you can also apply to a separate access fund is not included in your bed of mine so you could go for a bit that’s the maximum amount that they’ll award should be on top of that you can also have access requirements on this if you need to pay for someone who can help you with things don’t pay for care but it’s paying somebody he needs today a lot of the administration for you because you’re not able to take yourself in order or if there’s some equipment that you needs that will help you with the process you those sorts of things night if like me he managed to be successful thank you Grachev nations butts the hard work is not over yet for arts council England’s definitely there’s still quite a bit of work cannot man two days before your money is secured on a lot you need to praise and be prepared to stay the first step was receiving an email telling me I had a decision okay it didn’t tell me what the decision was that was all it said I had a decision so go and sign in to grab the M. and go and get your decision matter for me I saw this when I was in the middle of the other things at once and I just needed to focus on both of those things so instead of just racing to grab them like I want to say I just not good sign and I need to do this other couple of things first and then when I was finished those and I was ready I went to ground CM I struggle to remember how I decide in the ground TM and then I struggle to figure right where this decision that it was high you to hang on I fumbled Orion’s until I go to open and realized I was being offered the grounds so much excitement but even when you get good news they don’t make it easy for you to find it so easy %HESITATION even when you won it’s still quite complex I had to then go through a work flow with quite a lot of more on clear language and instructions to work three accepting the offer and then I had to wait for the next two steps to become available to me because then they had to acknowledge and accept my acceptance of my offer and so then the next day one of those steps became available but I need to complete the other one first so I kept checking my email and then the next day it came as Terry and then I could go in depots and I’ve got those both things in motion and not again it took a bit of time and you need to get in read the instructions carefully you know there are things you shouldn’t submit and certain places and then she should submit in certain places so it is a bit stressful just making sure you’ve got all of this correct and these were important ones to do with banking and ensuring items today they had very careful instructions with lots of red tax show AT red tax so even though you’re excited it’s and you just want to get all confirmed and happening you really need to be calm and patience and careful and okay with going in circles a few times just to make sure you’re getting everything writes Anna’s I write this I am waiting to make sure that is all rights and then I’ll release the first ninety percent of my father and dying of my grounds to me so I’m still as I record this waiting for that I have had no confirm or deny that my bank details for all fine and I’m just waiting for something to happen so with this grant again you get the final ten percent on completion and as long as they’re satisfied and they’re satisfied with your report and if there’s anything where the money didn’t quite get used or anything like that then you probably won’t get top fella minds but just depends hi satisfied they are this is important to be aware of because if a lot of your grounds involves paying other people then you really ought to make sure you’re checking out first and pay yourself last you know so my final ten percent I’m planning for that to be just all of the rest of the fees that are rude to me and I’m gonna make sure I pay everybody else that’s involved before then that’s really yet so that’s much as I can tell you I hope it’s been useful I’ve really thrown quite a lot she over the past while it you know there’s a lot to get three and if you have any questions I’d really encourage you to please some summer public if possible so if you have questions don’t just email me up by them if you could comment on social media posts a bite this episode or on the U. H. shaped PH for this episode’s not would benefit more people and %HESITATION so we can do some community answering because there might be other people who have other experiences he might happen as well so if we could do that if we can keep that discussion public I’d really appreciate thoughts so that more people can benefit from this and get something out of it hopefully as well this is a very specific ground it’s very specific to me you know and it’s a very specific process so if we could all just shared that would be lovely I would be so great for other people the notes for this will be on the episode post on audio visual culture stock com this is episode one hundred and twenty one if you’re needing to search for that there is a search bar if you go to the website there is a search bar if you type in one twenty one one two one ground top the cations that shoots take you straight to the page I hope you can also comment and have a discussion on that page as well their comments available there to you know I really hope this is been useful and informative all the best with what ever you go for and please do you go for it the worst that can happen is she’ll learn something from the process so please go for %HESITATION it and do nothing could you count all right everybody take care of yourselves

transcript

Audiovisual Cultures episode 117 – Paula Checks In

Show notes

Host Paula Blair reflects on four years of making the podcast, the writing projects she’s been working on so far this year, and some decisions about the podcast going forward.

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Music: commonGround by airtone (c) copyright 2018 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial (3.0) license.

audiovisualcultures@audiovisualcultures

Edited by Paula Blair with Audacity.

Recorded with Zencastr on 7 April 2022.

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Links

https://digitalfilmarchive.net/news/bending-glass-1267

https://www.drpragyaagarwal.co.uk

https://peablair.blogspot.com

https://thewhitepube.co.uk

https://www.maisiehill.com/

Automated Transcript

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hello and welcome to you what do you facial cultures the podcast that makes it different Terry is a film arts and media and their significance and culture I am your host Paula Blair and in this episode I’d like to take stock and Chuck T. up by where were asked with this show and some of the things I’ve been working on so far in twenty twenty to you because I’ve been doing quite a lot of writing and not so much recording but the store and get stuck in I wanna give my deepest thanks to our incredible patrons out pastry on dot com forward slash AP cultures and you’re not already won over patrons and you’re interested in accessing exclusive bonus content such as C. unedited video recordings of interviews has made during these constructions and things I take radios or other kinds of Baxter is that I paid I just for patrons at different tiers to go and check right the tears and see what’s on offer even if you join a to pay what you count here you can joins from one point or one dollar amounts for example and you can be on not tear you can be on any tear and pay more than the asking price for that tear I think that’s just a minimum and you can she sped up if you really want Hey but even just at the lowest here you’ll get early access to these episodes you know you get the machine days before everybody else can they send either MPG on directly or through your own dedicated RSS feeds for our patients already he should have access to those if you’re not accessing those new having problems without to sent me knowing this I don’t know if there’s a problem if somebody doesn’t tell me so the link for our peach tree and is also in the show notes but it’s that quick if you just J. Petri on dot com forward slash AP culture share find us and also if you look at our websites audio visual cultures dot com so when Marge hello Ricky S. you’ll be able to find all of those thanks as well as the full show notes transcripts and lots more information and you can also donate it directly in various ways in the website if you use pay pal if you got money in your PayPal and it’s weighing heavily in your pay pal kind I’ll happily take some of it off your hands for you those are nice ways to support and thank you for anything you do you already but I must say thanks as well to those if he he engaged on social media our Instagram is taking off I think just right at the end of March we had four hundred followers so it was quite exciting that’s the most followers the podcast is hot on any social media I give up really with the FIA spec for awhile I mostly used to face spec see you know use the matter saying because it’s connected to Instagram as well so I use it to shed chill posts and stories and stuff this doesn’t always work which is annoying but you know it’s a free service so the fees spec I think really just a day before a recording this the Facebook page I don’t know it started telling me to update it or something I was clicking all the no buttons and it did not saying where and no buttons that they became a yes without me realising and it updated to PH I have more followers than there were lakes on that night all of all of those are gone I don’t know I don’t understand Instagram is fun Twitter was the one I cook it acts and then it became a trash fire but say hello on Twitter as well because I am ready axis for the podcast at least on Twitter thanks for people he recharged on those we have had some of the comments I’m Startin to retaliate night every the start of every episode I’m read nights we’ve had so many nice feedback from somebody who spend less than I’ve started putting these honest testimonials on our web page as well so if you go to the home page of our website if you keep scrolling down to the bottom you’ll see the most recent testimonials posted there and I’m working my way Siri giving somebody a shot a night for locks I really appreciate it this means a lot of the people are listening and it’s lovely to hear thought because I I suppose I wanted to build a community with this but you know I’m an introvert and all sorts of other things you know and probably a bit of a mess some troop as well so I’m not very gate assets being central to community but I’d like to have community it’s a weird one I know %HESITATION anyway so I had some really lovely comments from Dr Fiona noble he guested on the show and episode one hundred and four please have a listen to a lot of heat Mr S. R. you’ve joined us and Stan or you know it fell off your radar it’s a really lovely conversations you and I are good friends so there is a bit of %HESITATION terror and stuff as well and very cheeky with farmer checking with her than I am with a lot of other casts because usually casts are strangers or people I’ve never met before words soon and I have known each other a good number of years nine and I can be checking back by myself Sir when I when I say cheeky I mean B. mice how hopeful so that the suit is about her research on contemporary Spanish cinema and language teaching on the twenty eighth of January this year beyond that kindly tweet ads and I quote my brilliant friend Pete Blair creates the podcast audio visual cultures AV cultures pods this week’s episode is an absolute traits super important conversation with Damian Taylor right privilege and the patriarchy among lots of other interesting topics highly recommends to the exclamation points thank you Fiona this kind of feedback really G. suite on an ice I say so I started linking these comments on our website or deep tissue cultures dot com so if you don’t select a choice in the show or on the home page let people know that you’re testing let me know that you’re not saying you can email the official cultures at G. email dot com or you know get in touch in any of these ways just love to hear from you end up to hear about what’s working and what you want to hear more of really interested in constructive feedback because I want this show to be useful it’s not just me making friends on the internet but just sometimes is felt like for the past couple of years this is not a bad thing for an introvert it’s the past one of the best places to meet you nice friends it’s the internat but it’s also quite a scary place because I know you’re dying for an up to yes the last time I checked the United States I stood Belgium for the top spot in our listener league table I know him ever should be next so just how low term Merican France and so glad that you’re listening it’s great to have you as well right suit and other seat back I had recently the listener explains that they find themselves listening to the cast I’m not so grounds but then some saying the gases said Coles something to mind for me and I start talking about it but because I tend not to want to take up too much space and I worry that I’m talking too much and you don’t need me to tell you I go off on tangents because I’m trying to avoid all of the last we tend to spade three what I’m saying you know the anecdote that I’m saying because she she off the cuff fits on plans in the discussion and I just wanna get back to the gas as soon as possible and hopefully points off each other as a conversation but the Leicester told me it seems that I have interesting stuff to say and they wanted to hear more of thought so boys Adair are you can’t not today you’re gonna get so much she’ll ask me never to cheat again this made me take a bit of pause because AVC wasn’t always primarily an interview show a lot of you may have just joined in the past couple of years she may not have bothered going box three the archive about the salutes you know this is an absolute a hundred seventeen so there’s been a lot over the past few years so making this mostly pay visits she being an interview show as more of a default during the pandemic before then I was interviewing people and person but I eat me and a lot of episodes wastes doctor Andriy she’ll he was more of a co host for the first two years because even when we did interview people we did together once the lock signs began in March twenty twenty certainly here in the U. K. Andries workloads as a senior lecturer at the university completely explodes I suppose just set the notes T. any of he he he might as Shane dot urine university staff had an easy ride if things when working from home had to happen I can tell you as a witness that he is already far too heavy workloads more than doubled and wastes no support only pressure from his employer and at the time when the freshman until Oct nine there were strike actions happening so these people already had a lock is good well last but because of this global catastrophe that was unfolding people for the most part I think really knuckled sign and did what they could for their students and just try to keep themselves afloat as I was planning notes for this recording beginning back in March of twenty twenty two eighty so two years later there is ongoing strike action from the university and colleges union in the United Kingdom and it’s just this one as she waits on the list of harmful practices that the unions fighting against so I’m not going to go into details of that case it’s not my fight but it’s a fight that I support and I have solidarity for I didn’t survive thought system I am a consultation thought system and I have the utmost empathy and sympathy for anyone who’s in the fray and it’s going straight at the moment just sort of laying out some information and it’s just flashing a bit more contacts about this business of the show because this is really what we’re talking about right now it’s just a bit of a a spike off the narrative but back to this notion of taking up space and I’m sure it was in an episode of I lay waste to me that you mail which focused site really loves become recall which apps Suter hit when she was talking to you but she and her cast we’re talking about taking up the space which is quite a feminist auction on its auction I’ve been hearing about it for years as well on the guilty feminist podcast but this time it was pointed out right not to take up space is to make space and by default that’s what making a podcast does you know it just comes to my mind it might not even have been highway it might have been on a podcast colds toxic leadership where somebody said test it was one of those to depose accent podcasts that I highly recommend to greet you if you’re struggling with your mental health in any way or any of that they’re very pro dating without sort of stuff and having no she invited you know so I I really recommend them but anyway it was one of those where somebody like this and I’ve never really heard that before where she take up space means you’re making space yes and not speech you taking up you can share with people and I think that by default that’s what making a podcast does you make space for yourself you know you take up some space sorry there on unique space and you know especially when you invite other people on it and I think people have sent this to me before and I don’t think I took enough notice of it but when you have guests on your podcast it means that you share that space that you take can you know when I sank and more recently in the past couple of years and giving more of that space over to other people I have probably for call on the bed it by myself and I’ve hidden behind not quite a lot you know where I’m going to get this great person they have lots of stuff to say and I’m never going to get me I’m a great person I have stuff to say it’s very narcissistic but in a way it’s cherry you know I got stuff to say I’ve got ideas and might bring in I started the podcast because I had compiled loads of academic work and research on these areas of arts and culture and things like costs and have a lot to say about them but %HESITATION so %HESITATION because my interests are much more wide ranging than just this specific research interests I how does the market dynamic and I wanted to explore those and start to demonstrate hi you know the things that we T. two ladder box things and categorize salmon institutionalize some eyes and always helpful and it’s probably not a bad idea she made a surprise things be open mind debts you know and to recognize that there should be a joyous and dots borders don’t have to be fixed I can be perforated they can the lands and melds and slip and slide and all those sorts of analogies all of this is related to a more general time of introspection for me I feel that I’ve come a long way mentally and the past few months and years on a freak and focus and determination I’m feeling clearer on what I want to stay with my life and I’ve been taking action towards trying to make that happen so it’s hard to pinpoint exactly when this began because all our lives were in a state of the coming but I’d say that it’s rooted in a decision I made it and summer twenty twenty one so nearly a year ago from recording this I’m not was to take a break from my volunteer work with an incredible charity here in the north east of England’s cold action language whose mission is to supply free English lessons to displaced people seeking asylum anti have refugee status in the U. K. I had been a volunteer teaching and administrative assistants with them for three and a half years of dot points it’s interesting because even sense writing these notes and my user rang up by eight which is a great north English word my user rang I learned that one in Lancaster I’ve been monitoring it bites whether to join this charities action finding mission their parent charities team for the great north run this year it since September it’s how it’s currently is the world’s biggest half marathon I mean it’s the same size as any other half marathon because to half marathon but it’s a big deal Andrea my partner he is often on the show he is a massive fan he’s run it twice now he ran it last year he loves a half marathon he really does he got on and the pilots for this year and good friend of mine who told me she really wanted to do it again and she really wanted to work on our fitness and use it as an excuse to work on our fitness again I told her bite the charity place since the auction fine dition still highs and she’d gotten touch with them straight away and I am still undecided I mean I think it’s something I really want to date but it’s more money up front something I’m quite anxious about it and then probably resourcing up anyway it’s gone in a massive tangent there it’s a charity that’s very much and my heart recording this as well when the war is that Russia has started in Ukraine as ranching and things are terrible I think it’s broke broader awareness of what’s going on waste displaced people people who are displaced by violence and war in their home country and this is something I’ve cared about it for a really long time I will point out that I am frustrated that there are a lot of people you only seem to care now that it’s happening to white people and our European neighbours but this has been actively happening for a really long time and a lot of other places on our countries have a lot to do with fact you know in middle eastern countries and north African countries and some sites American countries is vile you know the global seis the global north has a lot to answer for but now that some saying there’s a crisis in the global Norse on its people who look more like me stocks and I initiate you know that’s something that’s bothering me a lot and so you know it’s on my mind that I want to help this charity so in some way that has been doing really incredible work for years with people from all over and I always felt that with the language assistance you know and that just a few hours a week I used today and three o’clock trying to reaching lessons of raising him and it was tiring and I was quite dependable and I think I felt really guilty because hello I’m Noah my freelance work really seriously dried up over the whole lock sign and it has not recovered I’m still in a really privileged position compared to so many people so I think I felt a lot of guilt by thought for a long time and I think I was volunteering for a long time because I felt guilty and I wasn’t ready taking enough time to address my own health problems you know when I was assisting with language classes you know I really enjoyed the administrative stuff because I used to help people and roll and it was fun because there were times when I would get to use a bit of my Spanish I have a little bit of Spanish I’m a bite sized in spots but things like in the registration form arts just stuff like your age where you went to school so in your name stuff like that those are the sorts of basic things I can say and are saying enough that it can be communicable you know I always felt that that wasn’t much of a contribution in the grand scheme of things it’s not it’s peddling upholding human rights and attaining social justice are major concerns for me and I feel rather helpless ending anything up by any of those things just a bite all of the time I mean the thing I do the most as I have my M. P. tortured my member of parliament held her up Sydney tortured I’m never done right into her butt stuff I’m not sure where my skills Larry I am not skills that’s going in doing demonstrations in the city centre I just have so much social lines already and sensory overstimulation dot com briefly cope with those sorts of situations even when they’re very far he piled but my goodness I can write a letter so that’s just where my skills lie and you know the revelation needs people of all kinds I think if you doing some saying that’s the saying is net I always felt the exclusivist date a little bit of saying the brigade dot then everything would have praise you know just from everybody taken a tiny bit about her then it would have praise for most people and I realized then that the weed tiny bet IV stand was a lot more than many other states maybe in their whole lives I’m not to sin mean anything special and I am absolutely not passing judgment on anyone I’m just telling a blunt trace you know I’m not somebody who has a dose of money I don’t have expendable income so it’s difficult for me to just give money to charity at the moment but when I had free time I mocked and then I did some hang on it was something I felt able to day in time I felt able to cast on there a lot of people he had more time than that and don’t give it or if they have better social skills and I day and don’t use them and so what I’m not that’s not a judgment I’m not saying you should be ashamed absolutely not no it’s a great choice and I think being brutally honest was I doing what I did it’s because I felt guilty because I felt she M. at being a working class person he wrote he was no longer able to work and find themselves unable to work and structures such environments you I think I pulled back a bit because I had to address that stuff and that is what I’ve been doing a lot of in the past few months you know some I’m not passing judgment on any of us I told nobody should be carrying any shame about that because life is difficult and we never know what he’s going to be surrounded us next I mean I get a bit frustrated when I hear or I read people saying I wish I could see some saying that even they never asked if we find something that day to day or maybe they’ll offer a prayer and the only acceptable response a lot is and I cook from sister Michael and Derry girls sure what could be done today even if it feels menace skill there is some saying that each of us can J. and I feel like it’s I suppose it’s quite a socialist idea that if we all pitch in a tiny bit then I’ll be Daddy’s say Cassell told mark okay John I think that’s probably that’s a severity S. nous when we’ve got so many billionaires and multi millionaires in the worlds of all the money and the rest of us have so little of the rest of the money it’s a tricky one last night you know I mean if they give a lot that’s still small change for them you know so I recognized I hope you know what I mean and that the very least you know it’s coming from a good place coming from a caring place even if I’m searching I am saying in what became difficult for me by following straight on this decisive action you know and I I think it was decisive action and then I’ll explain why ticket shortly you know and if the more detailed but also you know it was last August when the Taliban control of Afghanistan and I mean I do even perceive that today take control said the United States hundred box of them I don’t know where the line is there but the role lose extra people who were fleeing for their C. Este ends you know it was really tough to stand by the decision I had already managed a top point because the language lessons they’re not just a by learning English it’s a bite community it’s about getting to grips with different accents and I’m quite useful for that having a different accent and a place where actually I mean to be honest %HESITATION somebody nice memories of my volunteer worker a lot of the students responding to me while because they could understand me better than they could understand locals announced people with the Geordie accents I get an extra like I’m an alien over here all the time because people don’t understand what I’m saying and I try and unseat properly the way I am staying here I try and separate every word and I speak slowly when I’m in bustle speed up and I’ll talk but more like this but when I’m here in England which is where I am all the time at the minute right do you tend to speak so late because you even English people don’t always understand that’s people with the same language so imagine what it’s like for people here Sharon and Jack come trade will have maybe had to fight to get into a country where the B. a better safer than other countries where they are supposed to be C. S. ions they don’t know the language you know it’s terrifying it’s so scary I mean it’s stressful enough having a different accents but speaking the language you know it’s so unimaginably tough and for a lot of people it was just fine tonight the classes were but finding out how things work culturally socially and practically unseen friendly faces and making new friends and nothing ever previous from trauma and being able to laugh and smile and find joy and comfort for me beat it might have been only those couple of hours a week and the class I’m serious you know people are have been tough tough times you know I met people he had been trafficked I met people who you call traversed desert’s and sees check out there you young man for him it was killer be killed people have gone through awful awful sayings and then to to be able to turn up to a class and feel pride in yourself when you’ve worked really hard and you’ve done well and you’re missing your family desperately and you may be stuck in the shop the hotel room and you’re not allowed to work and you you get these few times a week you have to level for a whole week and everything’s really expensive and you don’t know who to ask for the fate that you might needs everything’s on familiar she I mean it’s so it’s so scary you know so I thought I did I felt a lot of guilds arenas for quite awhile that Justin Howell St I mean what I decided to Jay was I felt like I was out in crocs waste my mental well being you know I feel like I’ve done really well and a lot of the pandemic was probably strangely good for me because it meant that I could see a star in a lot of stuff that was dragging on and on and on you know and I was getting and trace of salts and intrusive memories you know I was diagnosed with PTSD and I had some treatment for last year which I had to guess rich hardy and I did it online it was typing who’s all three instant messaging rather than speaking which was actually quite interesting for me because I find that because I’m a better writer than I am a speaker maybe you notice the difference between when I’m resting like I am right night and when I’m reading notes you if I go off piste it’s going to be a bit more all over the place sun pausing in things anyway so I felt really fortunate to have had that opportunity and I took an opportunity and grasped it with both hands because I’m so determined to be while and to make a proper laughing and I really need to sort myself or you know I’m in my late thirties I’m too young to wallow I’m too young we just waste away you know and I I love doing this podcast if I could make a joke out of doing this sort of four K. weights but at the moment it’s from the kindness of a few friends that I get anything from other told you that’s quite tough actually when you work really hard on it and you know it’s your B. F. A. N. G. in archer AT and t’s Jerry thanks for it the work so hard in it and not really people aren’t necessary people are taking notice and I mean it’s it’s hard to feel worse and not when you don’t know really competing rights but you’re on platforms that are dominated by people who have millions of tiny notes you know I am not a purple icing there and I’m being serious when I say that user celebrity podcasts that have millions of tiny notes there’s no way I can ever dream T. at T. M. dot I barely have a hundreds die notes and every episodes the weekend comes sites but on the C. every individual lesson I appreciate I appreciate yeah I appreciate you hearing less and I’m sticking with made it’s a really important to get that perspective that the quality really matters you know so I’m trying my best with it but I don’t I just can’t make a living off of our toll toll so you know I need to be realistic about that and in my heart of hearts I’m a writer and so that’s what I’ve been focusing on the past while and I think I moved away from seeing my volunteering because I just needed to be at my house really finally over the finish line and complete that really hard work of getting well well enough to work you know in a structured workplace again as well as I think to really make a concerted effort at applying for jobs but I think I’m being more specific and we’re in the Pine C. salute we’ll get on to that sort of thing night yes I’ve been applying the fairly solidly for things for a few months night but of course keeping the podcast going to you so you might be aware if you’re a regular listener you might be aware that in January I had an obsolete just floods of recordings he did lose your recordings I participated and the slacks radio residency at new bridge project acts here in new castle and I made three recordings for that and everybody involved was really kind enough to see not me use the field recordings of those four podcast episodes you know when one of them in particular was you know more than twice as long as I can actually fit into their residency slots so that was really great to have those episodes coming out of that too so that meant you know three episodes which is six weeks for me because it’s every other weapons thank you know so I had everything shed jobs right at the end of April the comment in January I call really quite burnt diets I think it was just a lot of talking to strangers you know it was a lot of hustling and it was a lot of very quickly getting up to speed with people I’ve never spoken to before or you know hadn’t spoken to for a long time or I knew who they were and they didn’t know me I think the first recording I did J. for it was actually with a good friends with tech he you might no no I thought definitely helped but all the other recordings a date we’re based people he either had never spoken to before we actually recorded it Bower he I knew me and they probably would vaguely recognize me but not necessarily so anyway so after such a busy January I struggle to know what to do with myself in February I just knew that I was burnt site and I had a bit of grace from the podcast say turns matchmaker dot FM office as a safe and actively applying for jobs and not actually getting anywhere and I find it tough ways little money coming in to know what to focus on next because I’ve cults who many projects that are partially done there at all at various stages I just couldn’t decide right what should I jump and see again what should I fire up what should I try to complete I just find it really difficult to decide because you know I had all these questions such as what has the best chance of being published and if it gets published well it’s L. O. R. what can I focus on the best way to make and it means ten and trusts and what might actually purchase some income you know if I managed to write a back kind of get it with the more popular press and then I’ll actually get some royalties for something of published quite a lot of last year not just with charities but I was volunteering my time see quite a few different things and I have been doing that for years and I think I called tip pooling as well where I was I’ve just become really wary of working for freight I’m tired of that I am worst a lot hello two kids and I’m a really hard conscientious worker never mind all that expertise and experience I can bring to some saying and I’m so tired of working for free I am not independently while Sadie and anyway he I have been freeloading off my partner for five years all of these anxieties came to a head for me N. late January early February this year and I resolved to see really several of the sites I perked up a bit when I reached out to my very dear friend John H. he spoke to me for episode seventy one up by eight PM update projects please see check this site if you haven’t already it’s a really lovely episode again about like Fiona she was my longest serving friends we’ve known each other for twenty years twenty five years well Michael others realize how old I am we’ve got a really good reporter probably too good because you know we make virgin that he was speaking in ways that no one else will understand because you know teenage girls the attack on it it’s a really lovely episodes yeah we had to catch up when I was on my own for a few days you know it was a really fun catch up and Joe told me up by an exhibition she was pulling together appoint neon house Lakhani’s night I’m not gonna go through explaining what all this is because I’ve had some links in the show notes where you can find out more about your wanna and bending glass her expression at you know that’ll explain if you’re interested they’ll explain what house okay says and why this is a big deal as we talked I became increasingly fascinated by everything she was telling me in particular the history of neon thank god for me sort of a neon before and it’s on the C. it’s so fascinating and I and I really want to share what you the research that I’ve done in this no I thought as well as the old Ulster television studios and archives you were talking and talking about the S. I was getting really really interested and having ideas about it and said you asked me if I’d be interested in writing something and I agree to this before I was even offered a faith because it was just so interesting which is probably partly by a don’t get paid enough for staff because I’m just like yes science grant that step you but I just had to know more about this site I just caught the bug you know I was a betting inspired by another saying I’d caught a bug for in the house now Conaway told I was really inspired by the kites taxed written by Amy Corey for demand Hearst’s major exhibition treasures from the wreck of the unbelievable and I suggested writing a small exhibition guides that we teach her three depending glass show and the works an engagement with the works not explain them but just engage with any of the adjacent to them you while also giving just some information that might be useful might be enlightening might be interesting and it was intended to be a company rather than prescribed right Texas what this means and this is how you should feel the protests in the next room you should feel less and no I’m not interested in that kind of art writing I I wanted to be a J. Simba Staten Joe very kindly said that she considered me to be one of the artists and that this was one of the pieces of work in the exhibition you know and I was really excited about that I so enjoy the process of researching and writing they sit just fired me up completely and then it gives me that excitement for engaging with arch technology crossed that the treasures exhibition had done nearly five years ago so as I came to a head more opportunities to apply for camera I feel like we’re not done with neon it’s time of recording this there’s actually still quite a bit today because you know that thing that I was commissioned to J. it’s all done but you know I was also writing an essay about that and then I could abandon because all this other stuff kept coming up and %HESITATION I haven’t as yet managed to the get back to it because these other things became urgent where is the neon is no I in and trust that I want today something less you know so it’s not tricky thing not freelancers thing as well I’ve been offered money to do that S. or their socks all to play for and they have to take priority just because I ain’t got no money coming in so I had some interactions that I actually felt finer points because they ruled things alright and I started to feel more like thoughts of bites things I was applying for you know there were a few things I applied for and I knew he didn’t meet the criteria and certainly not in the way that the organization was intending so I knew I was a wild cards you know I it was just one of those right just so you know what you just have to try because you’re not in it you can’t win it it was one of those where you one hundred percent won’t get tested you don’t apply for it and it could be life changing if you didn’t get it so there’s no reason not to try so I’ve been working under that other change for quite awhile I was getting projections for the so we’re not a surprise and some of them were written very nicely and not actually always hopes when you any char person as naxal human I’m not just an automated message that same year I didn’t get the job can give you feedback by when it’s not just humans saying really appreciate you taking the time to research and you’re right so possibly it by you’re interested in this job you know we can’t sure yet this year this time but you know we hope you’ll apply for stuff again you know that kind of thing is just really meaningful to acknowledge that somebody took time out of their life to really research and he considers and why they’d be a great employee for you you know and I think that needs to happen more and I’m ready done let’s all these places that just go well we had you know so many applicants will what does that mean did you have fifty or did you have two hundred and fifty because what’s too many worst top line where you’re not going to give somebody feedback you know you’re not gonna let me know that I’ve been knocked out of the running by an algorithm and not a human type of buyer a lot of my anxiety then in February was really in deciding again what to do next and knowing that certain things couldn’t happen actually helps clear the fog I was like well I tried okay so I’m done I I did the best I could do there it’s no go so that’s actually rose something like that’s gates I can try and focus new it’s still something all right second nine narrow the focus on to something that might work and spurred on by these few redactions I the rush died in up to cation C. arts council England’s developing your creative practice grounds apart which I’m waiting to hear even when this episode really says I still want her Jack so you it’s a ten week process to me unless I just feel really places myself for just getting in because just taking one of these applications just getting it through the ground TM submission system it’s nothing short of combative so anyone who just gets three dot sight system and gets through the eligibility checks your hero because it’s tough it’s really tough they don’t make it easy for people even when you’re as prepared as you can possibly be that’s a really painful very long process you know there’s a lot of job application site and for and it’s you may be spending ages fashion are your documents and stuff but then the actual submission ace to stop the not so loud and and then BAM twenty minutes grounds capitate race this was a whole morning you starting quite early in the morning and you know and finishing quietly at all on the day before because you know that cut off is at nine and I just thought what if what if so I did that the day before it’s not an easy process today so I just thought well up to the chief minister south just having made any supplication and is something to be proud of this year you know because I find the thought to my document when I A. I tried to design a proposal for a project grounds and that’s a much Baker grounds and it’s a much more unwieldy based I was aiming to suppress that early in twenty twenty one and the process of it just utterly broke me I thought I was really prepared I’ve been the weapon are shite read all the guidance I’ve done all the stuff you know as much as I did prepare for it I was not prepared for hits you may as well the flung me against a wall on the site but I was mentally prepared for this time I knew what to expect and it’s a much smaller grounds it’s a much smaller for me still a massive confusing for me and it’s not user friendly I had a better idea of what to expect and I was able to work at all right now I didn’t panic you know it’s definitely better to try the smaller funds and it’s a fun that’s just if I may need to follow up being hi I work rather than use something I’m not necessarily in the right head space for because I think I had a really solid project idea but I don’t think I was in the right head space to manage such a thing you know and be the producer of fat so preparing money create a practice application also then fed into another opportunity came up and it meant that I had a clear project in mind to propose you know it’s old building into something so even if I’m hoping even if all of that work comes to more rejection I think I’ve got a much more solid idea of where to go when a specific project that might have some traction if I can just find the right people to approach a fight it for various reasons in addition to all of stocks I unexpectedly got Nikki snow gate as a judge for a writing competition you know it’s one of those things where every now and again because I you know I’m on link then and I have some job notifications because sometimes you get some things that are you know quick apply and it’s good to be visible on a on not professional social media I gas and you know get some notifications and then I’ll go for this saying really not expecting to get anything out of it because maybe they’re not being serious Sir maybe they’re paying peanuts third lots of things we got small things were ever applied for the money just never hear from them again or eight to hear from them and it’s only in the United States or something like that Sir you have to be able to traveler something for your buttons set they’re going to pay and so anyway so I paid in for this judging saying you know I went to their website and I applied a check to the lights and just never expected to hear from them again you know I just told them about my cell phone how was that and you know they offered me some judging on a short story competition and I really really enjoyed it hi this side when I finished my part I mean I feel Nish my box and then I got another box really enjoyed it and then costs are passed on all my goodness the stories were so strong I enjoyed it so much people are just so creative and previous for pitting themselves quite like that I learned quite a lot that’s wild because it’s something I’ve grappled with for quite a long time is how you deliver feedback twenty system just emotionally destroy people you know I’ve had that have a lot of the time it’s a close as a recipient and as a giver market dynamics feedback you know and I think in the creative space it’s different because things are much more subjective I think what they said was just more a bite you know you’re not value adding it and the census hi many marks the sisters are sentiment anyway your because you’re judging it but it’s not and not sensitive this is how you even that you can meet the criteria it’s not a bite dots it’s hi good a story can you tell hi E. gives your characterization you know and it’s more where your feedback can say things like I call really lost in these characters I wanted to spend more time with them or not twist at the end helped me like a sucker punch thought is brilliant you know stuff stuff like that and even when something something to check a well written but you can thank well I can see the story you were trying to tile and your descriptions are really benefits and maybe if you tried yes it might facilitate thought about but you know it was just lovely to be able to write feedback that might actually help people you know in praise their writing and their story telling you know I hope I hope I hope that’s what he is doing so you know I find that the police have a right to stop I think mentally from five years of really tough learning and work up recovery from the catastrophic break dying total per night but also reflecting on experiences wase added hers in the past hearings a past introduced errors into my work and I’m forcing this is something that happens and also law or at worst Dave actually trust it on a really personal level and they haven’t said back objectively or he was a bias or in a way that’s appropriate to be the intention of the pace you know appropriate to that enterprise of what’s going on it’s just maybe a factually incorrect you know there’s I’ve had a range of those experiences as well and I just really relish that opportunity a year because the competition really demanded thanks you know I think going through all their training stuff they were very clear that you know you have to approach reading these knowing that everyone tried their best with the opposite best of intentions and they love to telling that story and he had to make them on those terms you you had to make them and not say yes so I just need to get the side of my body I hope these ideas and I just need to tallest teal and they’re learning they’re crossed you know because some of them can be quite young people and some of them are writing in a language lesson their first language and some people are picking up a hobby they’ve never been interested in or had time C. B. A. interested investor ever before or maybe they’re in their retirement and they’re trying it out as a whole but you know there’s all different things and I think there’s quite serious writers he might use the competition as a way of trying I ate some saying for publication you know there’s a really wide range of entrance to this competition so my role Kim hi he helped a man prays again it’s very subjective because different judges will read it and read the same story in a different way and come away with different things you know I like the sort of coming out of from malicious my knowledge of this genre this is my knowledge of telling a short story this is my knowledge of characterization infection this is my knowledge of language you know in my role I style was two point night where things weren’t quite working right things really were working and maybe to offer I think I think if it had some of this maybe that would help you know this is really really enjoyable and I hope I hope it’s been useful to other people I mean as indicated already or you know I often think back to when I was teaching and I read each day I can ice over whether or not I was meaning to my students when marking their where can and costs and all sorts of things and I certainly have made hiding mistakes her you know when you have a memory of something and it stings she yeah thank gosh it was stupid and I think I’m trying to just lay in and a lot of back and thank you I just need to set but the embarrassment that’s not because I don’t know higher than that not a fax it’s the person who was on the receiving end of some mistakes that I manage you know because I remember I shouldn’t referring to the a certain film and the film was set different spelling of the words and I I don’t know %HESITATION brain fart I don’t know just was getting at know your spelling is wrong you’re continually spelling this wrong and didn’t you know I I with Jackie no no I’ve done it myself and I would go that’s still just half a we check in on their internet and kissing going mods and then I would say %HESITATION it is called interesting okay that’s me I’ve learned something today but previous over worked strong aides stressed to the Max me didn’t days not I’m not student was probably very rightly felt a sense of injustice but thought that stays with me and I beat myself up too much about that sort of thing but I learned from that you know I take out a board night you stop staying of embarrassment and she M. to learn and not do that hopefully to someone ever again produced double check myself because I’m not always to be trusted so I forget things so when things are anonymized and online it is really easy to associates from the person the human being he’s at the other end of that maybe this is come up with judges before where they’ve had thought because there’s lots of messages and your feedback form about you doing all insult people because they’ve clearly had that happen quite a lot and the stories are all anonymized we don’t know he has written them or where they’re from or you know maybe there’s very clear indications that English as their first language but you cannot take that for granted because there might be people with dyslexia or learning disabilities are not very high literacy who might be writing and and party that’s happened before where it is I need of English speaker and they’ve been really really insults us judge calling I might for her crossed with the English language you know so you did something you actually have to be careful but when everything’s anonymized I think that’s absolutely right you know what I think I certainly in this scenario you know it’s really stopping in my tracks and made me think about that sort of thing you know because it’s really not on to make somebody feel bad when you when they put their heart and soul into something was really good your intention what has struck me is I’ve been reading work the authors really wanted to write and that is a major shafts from years of reading students essays where and I am grossly generalizing here because I had so many where this was not the case but a lot of the time and I think increasingly over the years I came across that students resent having to DS nine months I mean it feels it’s safe you certainly hearing about Andreas more recent experiences as well it feels is safe things have really changed since I was an undergrad but then there are people I talk to you were an undergrad before even I was and for them they thought this sort of thing was always the case so I don’t know but I feel like and your G. saying Brady astronomical tuition face has been a massive pardon this sense of entitlement that comes with a resentment of having to do any work you know so it’s not all students but it’s enough of some that it makes the job of teaching them really miserable sometimes so again that’s all part of a totally separate issue actually this whole podcast is %HESITATION lots of separate issues and I’m just rambling on about eight so %HESITATION anyone makes it thirteen S. or not I don’t know I’m not going to you know go into detail on that again I’m really happy that to talk quite some of these issues and debate some of these things with people you know and I’m very happy to soccer practice I’m always willing to stand corrected and I’m always happy to pick copycats and because I know it’s not always the case and then I think emotionally it was so draining to work and that kind of environment where you’re really undervalued ready under appreciated and people are treating you as if you’re a teacher and they haven’t got a choice to be at university and you think will happen two years ago you didn’t have a choice to be at school and your teacher didn’t have a choice and you don’t have a choice but your teacher not it’s not how it works in tertiary education you came here what I will suggest you know in case anyone listing is on either side if this student teaching soft I called to me is that your whole being pitted against each other you know and I can say this quite safely from observing it from right side night you’re all being pitted against each other as a distraction from management malpractices and you can overcome the triangulation you know which is that the term you should look up to do with abusive behaviors and you can you can overcome that by being each other’s our ice just gonna float thought this nature there make friends students the people like Cheney and leading your seminars and your seminar should not lectures they’re not your enemy and they are not da man so just lay off a bit and expose for teaching staff these young people have so much against the minority it’s not even funny I’m a geriatric millennial and I’m fine in life really toss I just feel like two sides in an economic crashes took so much away from people like me and I was one of the lucky ones he script three and two thousand eight but something a lot of one seat you’re a bit younger than me doesn’t help a lot it’s a tough road you know and the younger ones that’s not fun night there guys you know it’s we need to help each other from I was young I was an avid reader and I developed a love of writing these strengthened as H. O. quite an internal person you know something I’ve always been aware of it by myself I’ve got such a vivid imagination on a day dream a lot I referee a law you know I write stuff coming you’re hearing me rambling on about stuff no I am essentially talking to myself but doing it to microphone and then some day somebody else might hear some of it says that I’m no longer just talking to myself make content I live talking to yourself why not these loaves of reading and writing they meant that as I aged I didn’t know hype but just some way some high I just wanted to be a writer for a long time and I see nine with the wrong intentions I wanted to be a great academic and that includes writing you know it was a way that I could write notes to soften be published and have my name on things and I certainly had potential to be a great academic and I was a very good one but so much of the profession makes me miserable it is not a world that is built for me it is a world that attacks he and damages may I tell you I feel like I’m hurled against walls repeatedly it’s like spider man being thrown into brick walls constantly sort of what it feels like me I don’t find Spock with an exoskeleton that does damage every time my friend doesn’t fit into those systems and the worst of thought was and the last job I was in university of Salford’s just was the most combative she might bring in and hi my brain and my body work on the damage I’m talking about in my case was lateral I lost a lot of my cognitive abilities when I became Ellis try S. five years ago you know it’s been five years and I’ve been reflecting on this quite a bit and you know I’ve had the good fortune as well as a determination in these past few years to really get to know myself and to study what’s going on with me because it’s been a bit difficult to access a lot of medical help you know I was struggling to to really get help you know I think it’s a really awful irony that you actually have to be well enough to seek help because I couldn’t physically say the words for such a long time that I needed help and then by the time my kids a pandemic had broken nights and it wasn’t physically safe she go and see the doctor and I wasn’t urgent enough they had to deal with people S. really urgent physiological illnesses so mental health always takes a backseat that does affect you physically but not as much as you know we’re reaching concert type eighties or something like that so you take a backseat I learned my slower operating system I learned about things that help the rebels I gained insights I worked to words assessments that might help diagnose what’s going on with me not that I think they’re on the same spot their conditions that I live west another operate under an ascendant you know it’s really powerful actually to learn from other people’s experiences so I appreciate that a lot and I think that inspires me to do things like less right around but you but hopefully you know maybe there’s somebody he’s hearing that S. one text back to hear something like this N. arts and culture podcast you know because it is already it is I suppose in a very roundabout way what I’m getting at is it is the love and the passion and my specialist and trusts and everything that this podcast dissipates that has kept me going that is see if my life’s that has given me a reason to keep going and to be in a help me learn about myself and to help me learn about others and what they’re going straight and see develop even stronger empathy and I have too much capacity for empathy already so I didn’t ready you need that but it is a way of working Siri I think a lot of promotions and thinking about information and getting stopped in your tracks and being a stalker questions or something confronting you with something and sort of put before seeing across that somebody’s worked really hard to develop and you can appreciate that you know I mean all of that it just fires me often does wonders for my mental health and that’s why you know what we need to take arts and culture seriously because I can actually address the shortfall that send our under funded National Health Service here you can help us help ourselves and it has definitely helped me see see myself and to figure myself lights and to take that time to learn how to properly administer self care you know and a medical science and all and then a couple weeks lush baths and get covered in glitter and feel comfort I mean do the hard work of getting therapy of being able to say what’s going on in your arm to bring in you can tell it’s really tough hi good I am at any of the writing I don’t think it’s for me to say I got some really great feedback I get some very helpful constructive feedback I’ve had some really rubbish we could pack that just goes I don’t like that change that to something I I like I’ll be happy with even though I’m not the audience which is something I’ve heard before from an editor you know but I know that I am a creative person within and cheated if brand and I think I’ve been railing against stocks for too long and I’d love to logic to get me wrong and I’m a logical person I solve puzzles site loves your problem solving and logical argumentation but I am also really intuitive a bite me when I make sayings I’ll measure it quite vaguely angle X. right or L. and when kicking ago I wonder what I’ll taste like and goes you know so I’ll try stuff and I’ll be in shit if and I’ll go well will not work with that so %HESITATION the servers are quite get together show maybe that’ll that’ll do something let’s just say shut the door on the way you know so I have to sing so I have a real passion for learning I have a low capacity for short term memory and I think something I’ve learned really very very far he recently is that it’s more likely that I have a slow processing time which is why I struggle to hold things in my head I’m like I struggled to hold more than one thing in my head at this time because I’ve I get frustrated with myself with language learning just as an example where you’re doing listening exercises you know and I’m well in the intermediate stage Wes my parish in Spanish I am having to replay the audio over and over and over because I I can only keep it for words in my head up once I come to you the whole sentence Mungo I remember that being in a shady when I was C. G. C. S. C. French as well it just really struggled to remember you it’s not that I struggle to know how to answer necessarily it’s more I can’t remember how some things you just said to me because I have to hold all this my head because you you tryna and I mean the way you learn languages later in life when you sort of lost thought natural capacity from childhoods you tend to go through lots of translation and I try really hard to be associate especially with nine to seize your things but associate the thing with its words are a state is just another word for orange and orange is just another word for marathon for example anyway another tangent but you know it’s made me realize like when I eat the more I’m learning about female autism and you know an ADHD is that actually you know I have quick bursts of memory I just can’t hold loads of it all at one time and it snowed a pro sass so it is going in it just takes more time than it does for most people to percolate for me so you know if we have a conversation about something I’ll call me immediately forgot what we just talked about it but in a by ten years time I’ll tell you nearly word for word what you said to me because I find that ability really strange that I can remember stuff that happened years ago really wild like really acute take to your queue they too well like entry simply what hell but I can’t remember what somebody said to me this morning or yesterday it just takes awhile to process remain so it’s really important thing to learn I think and that’s why it’s good for me to have an archive and I write stuff down all the time and I think you need to learn to work or whatever PS your end and not be too anxious but not you know I think I spent a lot of time being frustrated that my brains is not working the way it used to be part of it C. H. I’m part of it is a complete burner heats up this damage you know and I think that’s one of the issues with not recognizing mental health issues and I mean when I say mental health I mean neurological well being as well as you know that depression anxiety side of things as well it does damage connection skipper can things get harmed you know there are physical repercussions cherry bar nights and it takes quite awhile to heal from those just as it would with any other kind of injury you know so psychiatric injury is just not something we know enough about your take seriously user for me I know as the saying need to take one thing at a time and focus on that and align myself to be become absorbed you know I have an ability to hyper focus I love writing when I eight hundred eight it just flows remain I mean I’m still just reading from a handwritten notes that I wrote awhile ago as Pragya arguable says quite a lot if you do any sort of writing you’re a writer and I am a writer that’s whether I’m a good writer it’s for other people than the sides but it’s something I need to say and it’s something I want to say I am motivated today at my house to overcome I suppose the quite Methodists nobility and suffering and hard work that is quite hard wired and maybe it isn’t a frivolous thing today if it gives me releasing content man and it helps me keep my mate even and gives me a night not for saying such things I can only ever be a good thing and not doing it and getting out of practice with that is not helpful CPAS compacted story set people right and center competitions not send training I’m practicing spending a good yarn there’s no more joyous things to make them a good story told well you know we evolved humans evolved to be communicative bearings all of our primate cousins are communicative in some way and look at our circle we have developed to the languages and all the different kinds of communicating that we’ve developed and we find ways of telling our stories primarily to ourselves and then sharing them with others and making about four others on our capacity to projects and to send and receive stories makes us human that’s what we are there’s nothing frivolous a bite our very existence I’ve had to really CS myself dying without because I struggled to write a lot during the pandemic and I kept on my weekly blog for us on this occasion I did a lot of very personal stuff on there people were very kind and said they appreciated high honest I was surprised thanks I’m really meant to log there are times when I thought the co and it’s usually at times when my depression Sir really quite pads you know I’ve been trying to work to make an effort to make sure I have something on the blog even if it’s just something a dog I have my our case is high hills just to have something right there to make sure that I’m reading what I’ve written and doing something with it you know it’s all part of momentum and practice and evaluation because a lot of it isn’t very good so we have to look at and go well this can be better and here’s a way sick can praise and I’m not scared so I’ve been feeling very introspective about all of this I haven’t had too much to get by the name really in general but if anybody hears status on it and if it strikes a chord I hope you find your way and I know you can find your way if you take the time to spend with yourself that’s really hard to take some of us hadn’t had a choice in the past couple of years we were faced with ourselves and that was terrifying but if you’re able to do it on your own terms and it’s you can make some time for yourself non negotiable I really hope and I believe that you can figure out whatever it is you’re majoring a bite C. R. and if you’re not and if you’re all sorted I’m so happy for you honestly I’m always ever trying to find my way with stocks you know with the job in the ground applications I’ve been writing recently I feel the same S. I’m inclining towards side I’ve been trying to read more as file you know I’m trying to find I suppose a pass back to my younger self I used to too far picks and I just in doing an English degree throughly really spoiled me for backside just lost the love of reading but adult pressures and having to read stuff for work takes the fun out of it but you know so it can take me awhile to really get into reading again anyway so I have been trying to read more they they and I read a lot of non fiction they say sexually and I really enjoy it when I do read fiction I think I just have so many banks that I’ve owned for Aitchison of movie and they read them partially because it was for teaching research I picked it up and I never at times just actually sent retired or whatever it was you I just got too many pics that I own and I have not rant so I’m just trying to work through what it costs you know it’s interesting what catches my attention I’m not I get bored Wes I’m under often my mind from as I’m reading and turned away you know I have to just be honest until this offers three things anymore I’ve really says about myself and this is an ADHD saying that I have very little to no attention for anything that I find really dry or account specialize when I’m reading you know if I can imagine it in my hand I can’t read the rating board you know if I don’t really understand the words that are being sad or if things are described in a really bonds way and just No Way here so and sometimes you know why I have good ideas by the board meeting somebody else’s writing and I think that’s quite rich but there’s also no point not being honest I’m not gonna say him him taking out west and it’s not really fair because I’m sure other people got low tide if Sir Freddie accent writing it’s just I personally find it boring I mean I’m also trying to read the books have already call because my income and bank balance plummeted to write twenty twenty one and they haven’t recovered Emmy night I just hold it up my earnings for twenty twenty one twenty two financial year and that’s actually slightly less than the year before which is really depressed hang grateful for anything that I caught but then get a NAS it’s MRC messed me might take time last summer still really upset about that because I was entitled to see a payment from them that I’d in gas and it’s annoying but you know I resorted to the trading and selling a lot of my stuff including a lot of my picks you know it was pretty hard break into a tree and in the back that I bought for it ten quid ten years ago for fifty pay but I needed to fifty P. and the space on myself more than I needed to back anymore so I just had to yeah I just figured that if I ever won the Bosnian off then I can pick them up again maybe I’ll have more money in the future somehow any of these jobs are funding applications ever work right maybe I’ll be solvent again but you know the money as I say it was just more useful than having the object collecting dust and somebody else’s choice you know so I’m trying to read what I’m willing to part ways and then hopefully hyperspace some money for the things I do struggle to pick dying and devour the way yes Terry so usually have two picks on the go the one of my bad say teachable she she the more enjoyable one and then I have another one site to so far so there’s no excuse no dine time Andre pauses things and runs off quite a lot over watch and something and it’s infuriating so I always have something to tell you for a minute while you’re just sitting there and he’s fostered a bite always have a strategy no doubt come to spare I don’t the book aside to so far this time is doing this it’s quite a dry scholarly taxed that’s oxy a bunch of separate essays by the author publisher a number of years that been pulled together as one backed up by a specific talk back I’m not so perfectly fine and it’s a really important contribution to that specific failed I’m ready bored with it and it’s just not going and I’m not caring about any of it there’s lots of claims of a generalized fears and I find that really creating after a while because I think we can really only speak for ourselves unless we have data from user base or you know monitors audience participation I just don’t think it’s useful to go in here feels less will do thank you I got really tired of reading I sent some studies are architects and stuff and I go well I saw that and I did not feel like cuts do not speak for me I think because there’s nice photo center of stuff the descriptions are a bit wishy washy and very technical and I what was it like to move through the space you know describe into it for me in your words and that’s quite boring when that doesn’t happen for me you know it’s a useful exercise and discovering what I no longer want to read because it’s also no longer what I want to write I don’t want to write like that a nice compliment that I get when I D. art writing is set people can visualize what I’m talking about you even if it’s not an accurate visualization I can see something and I can feel something because of the way of rectified it and that’s really meaningful to me that people take the time to tell me that %HESITATION somebody once told me you know I read what you said and it made me want to be there and I don’t like on the calories I mean that’s that’s really high praise that’s what you want I’ve always wanted my research to be as accessible as possible I know it hasn’t always been a lot of my PhD was very heavy theory and philosophy eight I don’t think I can’t even really tell them to a lot of thought anymore when my brain work better I could work with sos complex theories and philosophies here to do the time and memory the very ontology of film and photography and all of socks you know I’m still interested in not ten extent but I think a lot of say very dry language that could be associated but thought I should just I don’t care anymore and you know I think I’ve really lost the ability to do the really really complex stuff I mean the stuff that’s just combative frankly and then you got a lot of it lost in translation you mean translator stay amazing work but my coach the French stuff can be so dense sometimes anyway I just I don’t have the desire really to build up so that again because quite frankly bored with and I do you want to be Frank about this you know the old white European dates have been telling us how it is when it’s not that way for most people’s lived experience just Europe ready picked out I may have done because I have these bits of embossed paper that shows at one time I had a pre vent ability to develop that proved that I could J. thought that I could park west to listen for coal and %HESITATION J. R. and all them fellas and I just want another challenge you know not challenge for me as well hi di make these complex ideas accessible to the people he thanks none of that nonsense is for them because I agree are not realizing up our calories were for me I don’t want anyone effort to grow up feeling lots of surfers free pony cursed our shouldn’t even be an issue you know what I’m interested and then as a valid being my own creative critical non fiction writing that is up front about my lived experience as well as the knowledge and research that I’ve acquired over these years innocently hello bite with some might balk if you ever read it I am going to end the show notes if you wanna stop by and have a price and I’d like to see Stapp they stop and take it further you know I’d like to write it back that people might pick up in Waterstones are reputable tech shops that pay their talk sense you know there’s a few more pics and me Everton one already I contributed to others I have these other plans they have these really favored strong ideas for other ones I want to catch them all right and I’m telling you all of this because I started to feel burnt right puts a podcast there in January gosh that was a long time to get into a lot from when I mentioned this before year’s abandon the podcast night and the night time most aren’t tremendous amounts and Matt loads of fantastic people and cooperators I’m keeping it going this is not a good pie we’ve already hard winter ten rock pop we don’t needs may be joining that bandwagon no I’m not going anywhere I mean they’re not going anywhere it’s just going somewhere else I think the podcast I think in just terms of my work it’s going to take a bit more of a backseat I’m going to do more things like last not just talking out your butt stuff but when I have some other episodes later where it’s just me talking L. B. a bite something I swear you know but I’m just having a break from the hustle because having had a break since January actually yes since January to decide I had a fake Hassel holes through the autumn and then January quite another big one and it’s actually been really lovely to knocked it out for a few months and I realized that I was I was actually getting quite fossils and %HESITATION suburbanites you know when I try to force myself to get back into that fray again of email in this person that person that person or re engine timezones and talking to strangers and trying to be super clear and my communications I just got stock because I come be bothered by cuts just draining of my creative energy he and rather than just fighting up and doing it anyway for work I’m not getting paid for because whatever pitch in H. I. gaps for this I don’t take the money it doesn’t belong to me it belongs to the podcast I use it for the podcast you know when you can go and visit and have a look on the website to see what I mean by that I don’t take away H. for doing this and that’s to the small amount of money to pay me a wage anyway so I’ve been just pondering about well why is that why did I get stock when I have to do the whole soul I think it’s because that while it is fun and it often produces really great results I don’t regret a toll you might do you find a training even when it’s really enjoyable I just find it completely drains me it takes a lot of creative energy away from other pursuits time to tired to write I come thank streets and to be blunt I am class they say I am just weary of working for free you know so as grateful as I am for the P. H. NH what I get in the months is a tiny bit more than an arch worse for real living wage and the U. K. I’m a volunteer for my company because the people college I don’t earn enough from a company to pay myself any fees so it gets the money I have spread sheets very charcoal face because you know I need money for things here so I know what belongs where what’s for what and you know ABC has its own spreadsheets I keep track of what’s money belongs to yet and so this is where I’ve been able to look and see okay I have enough to replace my laptop battery that’s just started to fail or upgrade the website for example and one off payments if anybody’s interested I do record does on there as well they all out of stock you know I have to keep a slow night si mantiene the websites for its on your payments but some pieces like that you know what to keep minutes things that I need for the show your quick then I can upgrade it’s not sort of saying I have some goals on my history on site so you know you can go in the close up and see what I’m working towards if you want to drop a few credits via the A. cast supporter link D. like at the show notes I’ll be in there and if you can leave the tech to help like that would be great it all adds up and it all helps we just need to be where I am with all of this and I make use of content that I’ve already in some way produced or see what comes along with light traffic on my part you know because there are times when I’ve said to people I love you because of the on the podcast so yeah I’d love to share anime Justin arrange anything yes I need to paid after Dayton but I also need to know that you want to do it because I can’t pay anyone so you know if you really want to do it then just reach out you know it’s fine but I’m not necessarily going to chase people and I’m at the minute just not gonna be very good at bites chasing people for contents because I’ve got some you know again just be involved in public people like me talking like that but you know that’s just how it is it’s a lot doing everything for a podcast by yourself I think people may be ashamed that like a lot of other podcasters I just send the soften up magically gets done IT everything for this based I. G. every saying this is my entire P. abate IG all the things every bit of it you know so unless I’m talking to somebody else and then they’re giving me not content that’s great but also not I’m doing everything graphic design editing marketing and social media posts I’m scaling back on I really just need to scale out back while I begin some energy and try other ways of making a living because this is not made me a living this is made me a tiny bit of pocket money that’s not even mine the %HESITATION preferably I’d like to make a living with my first love of writing an example is you know I had ideas for two episodes where was intending to focus on the Iraq collectives when of the Turner prize back in December you know their collectives that actually I’ve known for a long time I visited to show and you know and I invited them on the show back in twenty nineteen when I was visiting Belfast again I invited them last August when they were nominated for the Turner prize I don’t know if they got the messages or if they’re too busy or and %HESITATION went straight into their junk mail or S. you know there’s just eleven of them and you may as well try and hurt costs I didn’t hear anything back and I didn’t GSM because other people wanted to be on the show I don’t have an employee who is chasing out stuff up it’s me I have to do it and I find that really exhausting if lots of people approach me and want to cast that’s easy for me because I have to do the hard work of getting them back John and shad chilling things on a lot of these people are in the United States so we’re working with the time difference again it’s I’m so grateful but it’s still hard work for me you just never taste any of it up you know with the right stuff I mean everybody’s very welcome anytime on the show it’s just this is a great me just not having the energy or the where with all to chase people and then I thought with a raise while you know the third just download the podcasts and including the very marvelous talk arch you know you should listen to the mom laughs and there are other ones sipping on its file you know I just don’t know if there’s anything more I can that’s because they’ve already had really interesting public discussions I don’t know if I have any questions or comments that will be in any way insightful because they’ve had really insightful public conversations their work reasons I she’s with the state of arts criticism as well as loads and loads and loads of other passion and she’s in you know this was written up by its so per plate by cara Hickey and Jan Morrow I can I will thanks affect your article in the show notes %HESITATION I think that was with adolescents I also floated by sending an absolute with them talking ites what those problems are and these are problems with art writing that a small organization like the white P. for example is also trying to address in their way you know I think some of my introspection recently has shown me that I want to confront this head on by finding are carving a way to get funded for critical writing that’s also creative and accessible and you buy critical I mean engagement from a place of knowledge and learning not criticizing which is what reviewers seem to saying very often that they’re supposed to date or that they enjoy watching or whatever angled coming at this from I’m not interested it’s and punching dying or defining what are it can be and should be very much the opposite of my kitchen I wanna throw thought to be wide open and challenge it in trouble at this month’s bill imposed by injuries which is what my scholarship has always Pena bites you know it’s been a bite thought since I was you know a fairly flat chest young PhD so I welcome and encourage anybody see join me in China about all of that and talking at all lights I want a lesson and I wanna learn I wanna ponder and I want to produce I want to just soak it all up and then I’ll have something to say you know when I have to deal the producing the editing the backing of people that’s the thing I find really tiring is just getting timings and stuff sorted out and picking people and you know especially the marketing and you for all of that stuff to happen it renders me a lot less effective as a learner and the thinker and so I’m just trying to strike more of an efficient and effective balance and do not work because I am not in a position to hire an assistant he’s brilliant to journalists thanks and love seeing all those things finds a locked at a you saying im as I am with that stuff and I want you to tell me and the email address is in the show notes you sound right to me you never go on the websites and scored his contact PH higher you hire you dang what do you want to know what do you want to hear a bites do you have any questions do you have any suggestions do you want to be a guest on the show for conversation you want to come on and tell me all about yourself and all that wonderful things in your daily are you encountering frustrations are worries and your own creative life or career I really want to know I just don’t wanna have you know a ten string email conversation about it I just want to go yeah I want to be in your show here’s the times I’m available hi but yea yet to date not time here’s a link see you then check can gauge role here let’s go that’s kind of how I want to run it because I haven’t got the energy to go this is not to come reaching out to him in this times on the digital no just tell me when you’re available tell me when you want to come just a shame that I am not as a mmhm frighteningly available for a lady I don’t know I’m so I’m gonna flow test I’m gonna attempt and you’re chasing a recommendations section I mean I’ve name dropped a bunch of stuff and this already but if you wanna subscribe to the newsletter which you candy had already visual cultures dot com I have a piece Paul Dirac’s section where I recommend a podcast and I’ve been enjoying and I’d love to start out 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transcript

Audiovisual Cultures – A Little Bit of Good special automated transcript


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hello and welcome to this special co-production between audio visual cultures and monkfish productions i’m your host paula blair and i’m delighted to be joined by claire murphy morgan from monkfish hello claire hello hi paul it’s lovely to be here great to have you and kelly coats from the youth and community charity projects for change hello kelly hello paula great to have you as well kelly the mission at monkfish is to nurture artists through creative interventions in new and unusual spaces they work through the arts to collaborate with a wide range of communities and to support individuals to unlock their creative potential you can see more at

http://www.monkfishproductions.org projects for change addresses the needs voices and rights of young people working in partnership with others to create youth work projects that help young people develop and flourish into adulthood you can find more at

http://www.projects4change.org and both of those web addresses will be in the show notes wherever you’re accessing this recording we will hear more from kelly and about the collaboration between projects for change and monkfish shortly for now i’ll hand over to claire who’s going to tell us about monkfish’s current project a little bit of good in the world i am yes thank you very much so a little bit of good in the world is a project that asks us all how can creativity help us to do a little bit of good with what we have where we are and and it’s very much an arts and culture focused project because mungfish productions is an arts organization and it came out of um holocaust memorial day 2020 because one of the things that monkfish was kind of grappling with and we’re still grappling with is that at the moment in the world we’re currently living in a lot of people feel incredibly powerless and they feel that there’s not a lot that they can do but we were really inspired and by and the kind of the stories of of holocaust survivors and of the whole theme of holocaust memorial day 2020 which is standing together and it is very much about a a project that supports people to look at how we can stand together to support each other to make the world a better place for everybody and just by doing your small little good bit of good whether that’s you know saying good morning to your neighbor whether it’s doing something for a friend whether it’s just being kind to a stranger those little tiny bits of good add up into a big good and we felt that as monkfish we wanted to do something really creative around that so we worked with newcastle city councils holocaust memorial day program and the arts team at newcastle city council to facilitate a workshop about a little bit of good in the world and it was a theater drama based workshop which supported a lot of participants to explore what doing a little bit of good meant for them and it was it was an absolutely fascinating workshop pre-culvert 19 i have to say so the world is a very very different place to what it was on the 27th of january which is of course holocaust memorial day and so we were able to kind of get some ideas from that group and we were delighted to be able to work alongside projects for change because there was a project related to holocaust memorial day or connected to it called 75 memorial flames which marked the 75th anniversary of the liberation of ausfitch berka now and it was asking community groups from across the uk to make their own memorial flame which could be included or uh featured in a national uh commemoration exhibition at the holocaust memorial national ceremony and so we were delighted to go down to london with some of the wonderful young people with projects for change and with the arts team at newcastle city council and and the project’s kind of grown and developed um since then and we’re working really closely with projects for change on the next sort of exciting little bit of good in the world journey and so that’s something that we’re really excited about so going forward we’re trying to sort of get a sense of what a little bit of good in the world means as a bigger project and it’s a new project it’s growing all the time but it’s emerging um in a really exciting phase at the moment and monkfish has come up with sort of four the four c’s if you like of a little bit of good in the world and i’d like to to share with you now what those four c’s are which kind of has come out of our work with projects for change and also the workshop that we ran on as as part of holocaust memorial day on the 27th of january um so i’ve got by magic a little power point here which i’d just like to to share with you all the main kind of focus of a little bit of good in the world the kind of the main sort of uh talisman if you like is this quote from the marvelous desmond tutu who um for those of you who may not know who desmond tutu is he’s a leading light in the campaign against apartheid in south africa and uh was archbishop in south africa for a long time and he um is very inspirational very committed to social justice and we felt uh that this quote just summed up beautifully what we wanted to do uh do your little bit of good where you are it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelmed the world and that kind of set us on the journey for a little bit of good in the world so the four c’s of a little bit of good in the world creativity obviously monkfish is an arts organization it’s what we do and we are really committed to how creativity and the arts can be a focus for doing good with where we are and and with what we’ve got and how kind of creativity can develop um a really exciting set of opportunities for people to work together but also how being creative and how taking part in arts and culture can’t help people to express how they’re feeling and to um share that really how to to kind of express and share that with with the world and we work in a variety of different arts contacts so this picture is from late shows in newcastle which is a free open to all uh cultural activity that happens every year and this was our music residency and it just allowed people to come through the door be creative make sound together and through make and sound create an interesting space so creativity can be at the heart of what we do and be at the heart of

communities the next c is connection so the other sort of aspect and focus of a little bit of good in the world is looking at how those creative bits of good connect with each other for lasting positive impact and how can artistic or create a creative activity help us to make those connections happen and we’re really delighted to be for example working with arts and projects around the city including projects for change which obviously we’ll talk a little bit about later on the third c is critical thinking and we think that this is really important part of a little bit of good in the world about how creativity and connecting with each other can help us to challenge bigotry polarization discrimination isolation misinformation there’s a lot of conspiracy theories flying around the internet at the moment for example how can being create us help us to ask some really interesting critical questions and support people to perhaps in interpret information or misinformation that’s put in front of them that keeps them apart from others and our final c is citizenship so if you’re thinking about creativity connecting with others developing your own critical thinking it allows us to be active citizens and thinking about our place in the world and how we can work together to affect that positive change for each other and how arts and creativity and culture can really sort of help us to do that so those are the kind of aspects that we think could support people to be active citizens and creativity and arts can absolutely be at the heart of that so going forward those are the kind of the things that we thought could really underpin a little bit of good in the world so it’s going to develop as a as a longer term project that monkfish will be sorting and facilitating and and co-leading with other arts and community organizations and with artists as well

thanks so much claire a little bit about a little bit of good in the world excellent thank you so much claire kelly can i bring you and i to tell us um a bit more about projects for change and uh to um maybe talk about the current project that you’re working on with monkfish as well okay thanks paula um well projects for change has been going um just two years now we’ve been running projects for a year and a half even though it feels like much longer um and projects of change came about really um due to a decline in youth provision nationally due to austerity um and we have this idea that you know every young person should be able to access youth provision on their doorstep you know they shouldn’t have to um step on a bus they shouldn’t have to go elsewhere it should be there and freely available um and since we got up and running with our first ever project which is called the changemaker volunteer project um a year and a half ago um it’s been absolutely non-stop and we’ve had lots of opportunities to really work quite closely with lots of different people um and working with the monkfish um arts has been wonderful our young people get a lot from working um around the arts um because they get to be engaged in questions you know questions that people don’t often ask them um and you get their unique perspective and that’s what working with claire kind of gives these young people a voice um and so the young many of the young people have met claire before during the 75 flames project and but now she’s come back and she’s that familiar face so the young people already know her they’ve spent some time with us some of them quite a lot of time when they visited london um but here she is and she’s asking the young people these these questions about their lives you know how’s lockdown been for you and how has it impacted you how has it changed your community um i mean two of our young people um from our polish have polish descent and so there’s a there’s a there’s you know there’s lots of different perspectives there you know one of our young people’s very who’s involved is very arty and she sees the world through that kind of lens um and they’re coming up with this amazing stuff and they’re all having very different experiences of lockdown and they’re coming up with this alternative view which isn’t a mainstream view it isn’t the view that’s pumped out through the media or any other place really it’s unique to them and i think that’s what’s really special about it that you know young people don’t often get asked those really important questions about um what is what does doing good mean to you um you know how has the current climate of what’s going on how has that affected your life how can you make a difference within this context and it’s been you know it’s been really uplifting to have this project after lockdown and help young people to um process processing come to terms with everything that’s gone on it’s been a real it’s been a real pleasure thank you so much kelly that’s brilliant that’s really encouraging to hear would either of you like to elaborate on anything because we’ve had some really lovely examples there of the music and the 75 flames do you have any other examples or things that you see that you that the two initiatives will come together to do in the future shall i talk a little bit callie about the res arts residency that’s literally about to come up any day now shall i talk about that um so we are literally in the very final few days of their of um of doing a call out for an artist in residence a visual artist to come and work with the young people and up at projects for change in the outer west of newcastle um which is a group two groups of young people have been meeting in a in a kind of a detached youth work setting in new bigon hall and also in calgary and um as kelly was saying i’ve visited with my monkfish hat on gone and visited the young people to talk about what’s really important to them and what kind of key issues and topics are really important to them as young people so for example nature reclaiming spaces and self-care friendship and connecting there’s a number of different um areas of life that are just so important to them so we i’ve done a call out and for visual artists an open call out for visual artists to come and and put forward some proposals for how they might work with uh the projects for change team of young people to make new visual art space work in response to the the brief that the young people have put forward which covered a lot of those themes and so the deadline for that is actually next week and we’re looking forward to seeing what artists out there have by the way of ideas which we can put in front of young people and and see what they would be potentially interested in working on as as a program of activity so and again it’s on the theme of doing good of of what it means to do good and and and also about supporting those young people as cali was touching on as active citizens as young people as people who really care about their local community so that’s kind of the next phase of of this project and and we’re hoping that it will be a long term um opportunity for us to do more exciting work with projects for change and in partnership and it’s been a huge privilege from my point of view to work with cali and the young people because i just think they’re amazing and i’m really looking forward to seeing what this artistic residency is going to bring

great thanks claire and kelly uh because you’re working directly with the young people and the communities involved are you finding at the moment that the activities might be helping even beyond the surface they might actually be helping with well-being and and you further ramifications such as that yeah i think claire claire touched on the idea of connection which is really important and we’ve kept in touch with a lot of our young people online but there’s a set there’s a section of our young people who don’t communicate well online and some of them don’t have internet access or the technology to connect with other people like that and so meeting them out and detached youth wig has been the ideal opportunity to just check in with them and make sure that they’re all right um but i think it can’t be underestimated the effect that lockdown’s had on young people um especially where young people have had their education interrupted at really sort of pivotal times and so you’re talking people who are about to take their gcses people who are mid-floor about to do their a levels people about to go to university um and actually there’s been a lot of um there’s been a lot of mental health sort of issues a lot of staying in their room you know a lot looking at the same four walls being confused about what day it is kind of losing all of their routines um and also being confused about um the messages that have been put out there as well about you know what they’re supposed to be doing um and i think that it’s gonna take up it’s gonna take a lot of effort from people in you know all sections of society to try and young people through that um and that’s our next step really and um doing work with the arts is another way of helping young people so art is um understood by a lot of people as being very healing and we’ve we’ve recently done a a mural with them a very small group of young people and i think for them that really benefited them and getting involved with moonfish art it’s going to be something else that they can focus on they can pull their attention into they can they can off they can bring themselves and their ideas to it um they can have some positive outcomes for themselves that’ll raise their self-esteem because it’s very easy when you haven’t got a structure within your day to kind of slip slip back into a lot of um self self dislike um you know feeling low that’s very that’s ordinary you know that in these circumstances that’s kind of a normal reaction to you know being isolated and spending a lot of time alone maybe a lot of too much time online and all of those things so i think anything that we can do to work with the young people to try and coax them out of that um isolation to try and include them and get them connected with the community is absolutely 100 the way to go i would say

i think it’s about supporting young people to to to have their voices heard as well and about trying to find accessible and creative ways to do that as well um it’s just something that is just so important as citizens of now and and adults of the future

it’s really important i think to bring that access to the arts to them as well because especially as you were mentioning kelly with their school being interrupted you how many of them have art supplies in their homes and all sorts of things you know and to be able to to bring something to them and to build up trust and to let them experiment with things and try out what well you don’t necessarily have to be good at some things that’s another sense of the word good as well it’s you don’t have to be the best at it or brilliant at it but you can enjoy it enjoy it for the love of it and um being part of a community being part of a group of people doing lots of things and you’re contributing so um there’s a lot to be said about that too

yeah either of you have anything else you would like to add to that i think just watch this space for a little bit of good in the world and and if you want to find out more about the project you can visit the monkfish website and we also have a a little bit of good in the world facebook page as well and is there any uh social media uh sort of uh accounts kelly where we can find out about projects for change as well yeah of course you can follow us on instagram it’s projects for change underscore uk or you can go to our facebook page which is projects space for space change um and also on twitter it’s hashtag um at ppc underscore uk excellent excellent thank you um brilliant so if that’s everything then we’ll wrap up thank you so much for having us yes thank you thank you paula and audio visual cultures thank you very much uh thank you both very much for joining us uh so this has been a joint production from audio visual cultures and monkfish productions funded by arts council england with me paula blair claire murphy morgan and kelly coates do check out monkfishproductions.org and projects4change.org to follow these fantastic initiatives and to see how you can get involved and what they’re up to be part of the conversation with av cultures pod on instagram and av cultures on facebook and twitter the music is common ground by airton used under creative commons 3.0 license thank you so much for joining us for this special collaborative co-production

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