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Audiovisual Cultures episode 69 – Writing and Men’s Mental Health with Caleb Harris automated transcript


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hello hello and welcome to the audio visual cultures podcast I am all up there and I'm really pleased to be joined this time by writer ko Paris he is very kind they going to talk about his latest back suffering in silence August fifteenth two thousand three and it's available now for pre order and that's going to say come on on the fifteenth of August this year in twenty twenty I can activate killer piecing matchmaker dot FM this is a website that helps podcast makers and guests find going to bite each other and to connect so huge thanks to them thanks as well to our membership Petri on dot com forward slash AP cultures for your continued support if you'd like to make a one off donation you can also do that at buy me a coffee dot com forward slash PDA prior so hello if you're joining us on Instagram life it's my first attempt at recording this way it'll be really great to have your questions and comments as well said pleased to join in we're likely going to talk about men's mental health and issues very brief minutes possibly touching on addiction domestic abuse and suicides Sir things that come up with that and killer to writing so we'll see how we go but just so you're aware those are things we might touch on if you follow Calif on his Instagram is he the he's got a really positive I lack so it won't be hosting a great event will be hopefully really positive look at all of these things just a reminder that all of our episodes are available on U. shape so if you search for my channel and that's the P. A. Blair handled that I use for all of the rest of my work on the podcast you'll be able to find audio visual cultures there all of our back catalog and the most recent episodes of the podcast can also be sure James on just about any podcast platforms including Spotify Google play I chains sign clients and any that does feed into as well and addition T. AV cultures paused on Instagram or on Facebook and Twitter as a feat cultures the website is audio visual cultures DOT wordpress dot com and you can email audio visual cultures at G. mail dot com I'm always looking for guests to please get in touch if you have something that you're working on or ideas that you're working three or just something that you really love and you're burning to talk about it it's something to do with culture you would be really great to hear from me I've been trying to you to this project to try and make it the slippages across different media so I'm really excited to talk to kill it because I really wanted to have an author of fiction and a novelist on for quite awhile so he's not a first time customer he's the first to say yes thank you Caleb and I'm really looking forward to hearing more about his experiences and saying that's the first time doing this on Instagram life just waiting for Caleb to join in on that okay Hey how's it going I'm good how are you doing well hi is it are you in Connecticut is that right yeah I'm in Connecticut the Enfield area right now we just turned three o'clock right now so it's a pretty sunny day overall the lady at eight o'clock in the evening where I am and you cancel hi keeping keep paying lately I've been pretty good I just been working now playing basketball just trying to keep saying because a lot of things are very uncertain but you know it is what it is on basically just taking it one day at a time this all %HESITATION epidemic that is happy and I there was no plans for it so are you really do is just take it one day at a time absolutely yes so many looking for it said talking to you but you're you know %HESITATION coming nights are you happy to see and just bad would you like to tell us about the what it's a bite me can get into specific things as we go yes sure I can just give a brief overview of the book is suffering in silence August fifteenth two thousand three and follows a character named Ricky who is one year older than me I'm twenty six with the characters twenty seven and it basically just takes you through a very long and complex journey of a young man who's been doing drugs alcohol and he's been in domestic abuse situations but he covers it up by basically running away from all this problems but eventually he has that coming to I wouldn't want to see come to Jesus moment but just one of those epiphanies is we basically just says enough is enough and I have to change so he wasn't just a very interesting characters along the way yes this is going to be released on the fifteenth of August is that right yes that is correct but there is a sample available because I read through it there are a few days ago it's a really nice samples to give you an idea of that set up both Ricky and what his situation is and there's a sense of what has gone under in his past we can see how much you want to get into that because you might not want to give the whole plot of that away but certainly from what's readily available already that's setting up quite a lot to do less you know there's an inter generational conflicts and he's a substitute teacher so he's got a very precarious working lifespan or something he's going to grace are these all things that you've been exploring in your affection today it is this by way of investigation or something that you're just trying to work three three section you know hi is that you come to a circus on these kinds of issues no I've always seem like a lot of a young man doing with a lot of personal problems and mostly just bottled up inside and not really talking about it basically just saying well you know I'm fine I'm good I don't need to talk about anything and you know they just have regular job just like Ricky yes just as a regular job goes to a whole bunch of events anything like that and he basically just says well you know as long as I just have one more drink as long as I just have one more drive I'll be fine and nothing else will matter and unfortunately it's the same emotions are seen with other friends and other people when it comes to like relationships personal problems it's always just the I'm fine I'm good mentality but then when you got to sit down and talk to them and actually realize they are in good actually need somebody to talk to which a lot of people are very good at doing because not too many people are good it just understanding what somebody's going through and I think you've got that gender aspect as well because I get the sense from reading it that there's this macho cultures that Ricky's coming up against that he's not saying he's not permitted to have feelings about things yeah it is like Ricky definitely grew up around a lot of like I wouldn't say he grew up around a lot of name but he grew up around guys like him where it's just you had to toughen up like he used to play basketball the couple people but they're all just like the same kind of people they just didn't talk about anything as long as they live through it they were fine and that was their mentality Estes from my perspective you know being a woman in the world and having that other side of toxic masculinity we have to remember is that it affects men that firstly so much of the time that when we teach boys that they're not allowed to be science or share with their sadness and then that has results and possibly addictive behaviors because while they're in P. and so they need something to contract that P. N. but they're not allowed to talk about it either Ricky he he seems to keep weight on this car you know he needs just one more drink before he can do something it's a really interesting way of exploring facts the first chapter it's really quite poignant swear he's not coping with his mother's funeral no not at all and it's one of those things where it's like his mother was really close to him yeah like I don't want to give too much information but I'll just say this is father wasn't close to him but weren't given his mother you know obviously when somebody dies in your family it definitely takes a toll on you so Ricky's mother it was like his mother and his father right so you feel like you lost to parents at the same time it's interesting as well his working life because it's not just that he's a substitute teacher he's working actually with special needs children and young people is paying and he's like I think he feels sometimes he's a hypocrite because you know since he doesn't want to talk about his problems he's supposed to be helping people who have problems but he can't even help themselves and that's one of the reasons why he's you know spiraling out of control all the time because he feels like he's a walking contradiction but he doesn't actually know how to cope with which actually was a toll on him yeah he has some very tense encounters with the head teacher at the school he's something on me that was really telling where because narratively where it touched your brekkie it's his voice but there were times when I can thank all I can tell what that person is taking a bite him and projecting on M. T. now there's a part where he he's so exhausted he can't keep his eyes open any accent may falls asleep at his desk and this is something I have done right you know what I mean like that it's that if you're having a really awful time you're going to be some sort of emotional trauma as he is and you just physically comes in your body just says no nothing there's been times are like I'd actually would not eat my lunch look I was just you know so mentally and physically drained I'm just like I'm so tired and then I fall asleep in my car and then I have a thirty minute lunch break then I go right back in in the mail I just pretended like everything was fine and I talked to my buddies afterwards so you know I wouldn't be feeling so like frustrated or anything like that it definitely happens to the best of us yeah I find that the intergenerational saying fascinating as well because I don't know how conscious it is free if you want to elaborate but certainly from the start of the bank that part that I was able to be needs its older white men he seemed to put pressure on Ricky would you say that's right where do you think it's just the older generation in general I would say a combination of both but more just like the older generation in general like definitely with the older women around him he definitely feels is is because with Ricky he doesn't really believe in god it is one of those things and everyone else believes in god but he doesn't so there's times he feels like isolated and you can't really stand up for themselves one of those quiet passive submissive guys and he turns to food for his own addiction unlike the older generation just doesn't get it because he feels the older generation is has this suck it up get over it kind of attitude and he's just like well wait a minute just still doesn't make any sense because how can I get over something if I can actually talk about it yeah I think that's another reading because she that he represents so stop disconnect this was as a millennial for me and being a child of baby for her so it's like you know I understand that tension ready while is just get over it to you know sort of thing but it hurts you know and you're in pain and they're also in PM and maybe they would all be in a little less being in our we know how to cope with their pain a bit better you know carry it Senate not define us you know or debilitate us isn't so much every ticket that was strictly that he does seem to be really isolated and in that he's carrying yeah he definitely has he has friends to talk to one of his friends is Phil but like him and Phil have they were very weird on and off relationship one minute they're friends the next minute they're not friends and like he's the only friend he has left but they've been friends since they were like kids but it's just you know eventually fill became more toxic for him and actually a body because everything was a lot more simpler when they weren't drinking when they were smoking together but everything became more complicated when they put those two things into play yeah I haven't been able to rate as far as not yet so I have met still but certainly Ricky's work colleagues that's a really %HESITATION I don't know how to pay that it's almost explosive the episode that happens with his colleagues I think their assistants teaching assistants and set yeah the bridge is the main teacher and those are his like para professionals and it goes back to like Ricky being more like passive likely back all of the situation would just resolve it so so much I will do too much and as long as miss weathers doesn't say anything to head principal and then I'll be fine so you kind of do is unfortunately less the whole situation go and it's fascinating because then when it does go up you can see high from the right side it looks like he's possibly for he's lazy but because we're in his hands and the narrative we understand that he's frozen he sends fighter flight he's in survival mode because certainly as somebody with anxiety I really connected with it on that level of Anna so it really throws I'm not on a lot happens with these people there's a lot of issues going on my face three very very different people he get combined and it spent like a Petri dish that blows up allowed thank you yeah and it is just one of those things where it's like as you said before like how Ricky just becomes frozen is because like where he's not really used to confrontation and like anybody who like tries a late challenge him or just talk to him he doesn't really know what to do because he has very like poor communication skills but he has announced hills to become a teacher but not enough skills to be like a leader yeah that's really interesting to think it's because he does seem to say if you don't see him too much interacting with the children and I think because it's his voice he doesn't go into too much but he does seem to be very aware of their dynamics and high the children are going to it to work well I mean I'm saying children but they're young people you know they should have ten fourteen it's just that they might have low functioning autism or some other kind as mental disability which means that they are you mentally very young but he seems to have a real way with them he knows some reading while he knows what's going on said work with them help them that sort of thing so he's been away quite enchiladas or he's prepared to learn do you think there's pressure on people of his age to people than there should have edging into their later twenties do you think there's pressure to be leaders stand is that something you're exploring it Betsy GS in no because like with him there is pressure for him to do it but I think Ricky's mind is just so gonna you can actually just push himself forward he wants to actually be like a leader you want to lead by example he really wants to help these kids will like mentally he just can't get out of his own thoughts so I definitely believe he wants to become the leader but in the book you realize it takes some some time to like a girl who he is as a person and as he figures out who he is as a person things start to become better in his life okay I mean it's a bit of time because I think anybody's brains regarding exercise and you're going straight as well it's not tends to be high it is I'm thirty five now and I think in my twenties as a second adolescence so you do your adolescence %HESITATION can you figure it out so hopefully that's what is going on for him it's a tough read I thought this other couple of chapters because SMS the park professional says as you say are and there's very ableist language coming from these people here supposedly working in last December okay and there's pretty petty arguments about things that are nothing to do with their work but they're also it's quite clear that they're not getting paid enough for what they do they and their asses she there was not a sub machine that you were trying to deal with in the back as well yeah because like are you still at work at a school and right now I'm still working on another school but there are times when like there's people that have become very frustrated and I've heard like some pretty crazy stories I don't know if it's true or not but I definitely will listen and observe a lot of the stories in the main argument was we're not making enough money and you hear this a lot in the news and it's absolutely true but unfortunately you hear the really bad part about in the news where there's actual people who are taking their frustrations out on everybody else and me I've always remain professional I've always just sat on the side income so I was always going to be fine but I never took it out on the kids because they're just random kids that's it they're just trying to get an education and go home we do the best we can do it now and that's all we can really do I suppose then there's something to be set up by the state it's interesting that the few characters that I've encountered and the little bit of the back I've been able to read as he seems to have embassy Arnold's and Ricky same state because although he's talking from at some point if he he does seem aware of other people what's going on with them and then that there's not really much evidence from a lot of the people he has to work with that they see them as they are they too much wrapped up in themselves was that something you were thinking about it yeah I do believe that some of the pair professionals they do care but it's just there to trip up about the money and it's all about the money but it soon because like I said money we all do need money but most importantly in order to keep making money you have to you know keep on working got to establish both incomes and most importantly even if you're making a lot of money you could still be miserable and the reason why I can still be miserable is because if you're making money doing something that you don't love then that's just not going to turn into true happiness do you want to talk anymore right there the massacre piece aspects of the bank even just highlight a little bit %HESITATION yeah we didn't mention just a brief amount of A. I know with %HESITATION Ricky it's one of those things where and as the title suggests is that his father was one one minute though playful giant and the next minute he was just a monster and it was because his dad had so many issues and I believe it ties into way is passive aggressive behavior is because he doesn't want to be like his father and I think that's a lot of pressure with a lot of young man today's because we either have good fathers or you they have bad fathers and when it comes to our society a lot of us don't know how to actually talk about our issues because these are far they're not actually talking about it or we just didn't have a father in the picture I mean the absent father choked but it's one that we're cursed a law and any kind it's fiction writing but it feels like it requires because it's not that lists you know they're still SL happening all the time minutes part of that possibly meant to type of culture would you say it's a combination of like the macho culture but it's really just not understanding who you are as a man because there's no man who just are very like a macho and try to put on a facade but there is so much pain but that's just how they have been used to doing what they're paying unfortunately what we've been saying before like a lot of men don't like to talk about their issues well I've been learning a lot of them are just afraid to or they just they never learn how to actually talk about these things because he never wanted to be deemed as being weak yeah and that's not a weakness like talking about your feelings talking about your problems is not a weakness if anything is one of the strongest things that you can do because you're actually opening up beside yourself that no one has ever been able to see before and that's one of the most beautiful things that anybody could ever do men or women it takes a lot of strength to admit sometimes that you just need help or you just need someone or something that's okay I'd really like to ask you as well about your practice as a writer what was it did pretty compelling GTCR writing after you've been writing fiction for a long time or is this something fairly recent freeing something that's part of your life in a big way yeah I've been writing fiction for quite some time %HESITATION I usually I recently graduated from college in two thousand seventeen with a communication degree so I've always been in select the arts creative writing and all those kind of things but when I came out of college like I had no idea what I wanted to write a bill and it was just like always trying to find the right story like you try to paint yourself over all these kind of people I try to pay myself over many authors in the ones that come to mind is %HESITATION Junot D. az Henry David Thoreau %HESITATION lemony Snicket R. O. L. Stine one rule to goosebumps books lemony Snicket from a series of unfortunate events and just on and on and on and I like put too much pressure on myself to be like those people and I feel like I need to be like cable has to be just like these people yeah I got the ball and all these people when they shake and then here comes to me so it took me awhile to just find my own my creative group so over the years I just started exploring with a lot of things I mean I threw a lot of paper after a while I just started to come up with the series suffering in silence I just said you know what it is just gonna be a series of ten part series where I'm just gonna talk about what young men go through because I get so sick of the media one just basically not talking about it into just not telling the whole story so I'm just going to do it and we're gonna see what happens I think that's sad because it's easy to see things from a surface level and really get and date the so important and I think that's what art is so important as well are to nature writing all of it any mode of expression is so important I thought windows N. T. understanding each other yes I agree any hope that gets an audience that way and it helps not just young man it doesn't just show them that actually you can deal with this in another way but also for other people to realize that this is what they experience as well so this is valid this is important and actually we all benefit at stake at address yeah and also I just believe that like even though the book is like ray and for like young men also like I don't want to discourage women from reading it either because like there are women that don't know not everyone of course but there are women out here they just don't understand women go through and like the ages I think books like this will give you a better depiction of what men go through it's not just %HESITATION well he's just in a hole he's just a douche bag ages sheets also and so they're standing up there and it's not an excuse it's just when the mine isn't one hundred percent correct when the mind is a one hundred percent in sync with the physical self then you know destruction always happens and with a lot of men they have a lot of self destructive behavior and unfortunately they take it out on the women and then the woman become resentful and then the cycle just keeps going on and on and on it is one of those things where it's like you just have to break the cycle because if you don't break the cycle it keeps continuing and the destruction keeps happening and then laws basically disappears and that's something we just can't have it's just so lovely it is to hear any mom talk like that it's really nice it's okay can I ask by your experiences with self publishing and producing E. books as well as physical thanks %HESITATION yeah was so promising I'll be honest I'm still new I'm still learning the ropes but most importantly like I just wanted to just go out here and just do my own thing like the kind of person I am is like I don't like to wait on somebody to make something happen for me like I'll just go out I'll do it myself like all asked people I'll go do interviews all go do anything cause me even myself I'm an introvert but I'm realizing like in order to grow an audience in order to like you know the check more people you have to become more extroverted and it's not easy for me to do but it's just one of those things you have to do but I'm still learning the ropes I'm still getting with advertising marketing and I'm just learning as I go and I'm just hoping for the best but most importantly I'm still gonna just published a book either way this is what the technology allies for not only is he starts about at least for more people to have a voice from what you've experienced so far is there anything you think would be useful for other aspiring writers do you think it's something where you need to research a lot or do you think you need to just try and just go for it what would you say for anybody else who you wanted to get it yeah yeah I say before anyone's going to like write a book on make sure you definitely get a high quality editor because a lot of books on make Amazon aren't actually will break in and a lot of people just think like when there right away okay I could write this I could edit myself but it's always key just to get like a second editor because I know myself like when I'm writing books like this like I know the book is over like two hundred pages and I'm like well I just wrote two hundred pages like better read it over I gotta take this so I'll take that I'll maybe add this in maybe add that in I can miss things I'm a human being but that's what editors are for and if you get yourself an editor %HESITATION a marketing scheme and you learn about Amazon key words and many other things you need to learn about you'll be fine you'll start to have more success and most importantly joining other Facebook groups and just interacting with other people and yet the last tip is just ask for help okay Astrid you need it because everybody needs help and you're going to stress yourself out and burn yourself out if you try to do it yourself so I suppose but self publishing as with all things there's a team R. I. Angie is a hell yeah there is that's really helpful and speaking at what else you had published sun and I was really interested to see you've done a vegetarian kick back as well yeah they hear a bit more about that I recently went vegan about a couple months ago and I was vegetarian in either two thousand nineteen or two thousand eighteen the later part and it was just a personal decision for me because I wanted my body just to feel a lot better but most importantly I would just see like the animal cruelty going on and it was something I just didn't agree with that didn't want to practice anymore so I decided to just go with the cookbook so everybody could wonder ball what do people who don't eat meat or dairy actually eat yeah so it's like our rate well there you go I publish that book and it's been doing pretty well and it's cold no make no problem yep that's correct yeah it looks really fascinating I'm a vegetarian myself so I thought it was really nice idea the idea well what can you do yes and smart swapping night makes could start something a friend would speak in activism is trying to cry it suffice rather than going though I miss my rockers rips or whatever can I ask you as well a bike then facial aspects of your backs because you got really lovely artwork for them is that something that a friend of yours does so where do you hire an illustrator or anything for your coverage of your fax yeah with all my main stuff I always go to Fiverr Fiverr has very good deals and I know there's one feature we could just post to gigs Sir just wanted to do a book cover I just say Hey I need a book cover for such as such within twenty four to forty eight hours and I get around like twenty thirty people respond to me within twenty four hours and it's actually really good to do things that way because you can see who is really good because he was not really good you really don't like the product you can get someone to actually edit it over and over again or you just take it to somebody else and get a refund but I never had any bad experiences on Fiverr those are the things I use whenever I want to do like cookbook layouts book covers a book formatting editing any of those kind of things so I would definitely suggest fiver well that's great because you've got a really nice cover for suffering in silence Sarah and passion of Ricky I think with this headline little back he has a narrative voice it's first person then he makes a lot of references to his size he seems to be very uncomfortable in his own body I think that comes across quite nicely actually and in the image on the cover yeah the idea was like Ricky still no matter what still feels like the fat kid and I can't give too much detail on why he feels like he's the fat kid it's one of those things are you going to have to reinstall it but once you read the whole book you'll understand why Rick you always feel like the fat kid right just a small of my back for ads I feel the read that senator rex already because I feel like I was I thought Kansans and my twenties lost a lot of laughs and radically changed my diet and not sort of thing there are certain areas where I feel like as it isn't just for young man there's a lot of people he will be able to connect with Ricky on a lot of different levels because he's got a lot going on actually so you mentioned this is part of a ten part series so that's a really ambitious projects that you're working on G. have a plan for that it's a great to be the same characters or is it going to be different people so it's going to be different people but basically the whole series will be about a ten book series it's always going to revolve around a young man to the ages of eighteen to thirty six and the same things will apply we're gonna still be talking about depression anxiety domestic abuse sexual abuse and all these kind of things and just any topic that I could find that a young man goes through I'm just going to keep doing my research and I'm basically going to make a whole fictional series out of this it's just going to be based on realism and magic you won't be short of material do you think this is something that's very specific to the United States or it's quite a universal thing as well do you have an idea of what broader areas you might get into what sort of experiences yeah I believe it's definitely one of those worldwide kind of things but in America we talk about it I don't know what happens in any other countries but I know it's one thing when it comes to men like it's always like this statement a like you can't miss a day of work you have to go to the gym like you have to be a certain size like you have to do your certain way you have to be a certain height and it's just all these like crazy state mows and it's like somebody just made a mark and it just seems like we're all just going along with it again is nobody's really like questioning these things but it seems like in America times and you question things people just kinda want to try and silence you and the idea of this book is yes it's called suffering in silence but once you read the book you start understanding the actual suffering because with my idea is I want to be as transparent as like humanly possible because whenever I watched like the media or whatever I watched some books it's like I get this feeling that people are trying to like sugar coat something or just trying to hide something but with my books I don't try to hide anything I believe that's the reason why they become so good certainly the sample of suffering in silence that I read it there are times you have to remind yourself as the character saying that it's not it's not it's not risky at this other kind of injure and he's not saying that you know because they're going in safari at G. areas and I think specially because I mean I sort of find myself night and a couple of sinking the way you're talking you know so people here are empathetic people you are trying to understand each other and then you go right into the world again or you see something on social media and you go oh oh not everybody feels that way right that sort of person that's all not some comfortable shoes you know and that's about it said it will actually going there because people J. Hobson's really problematic opinions about two thirds of other people and it's fine right how do we come from thought but keeping ourselves six so it seems like you do in your pics of real potential to try and expose lead the way and maybe hold somebody's hand in trying to do that I think with books like mine is just is not really a bow or trying to I wouldn't necessarily say this is like one of those kind of books electrodes to make everybody happy and trust it goes more into like because I I mentioned earlier that I'm a big fan of like the series of unfortunate events I used one I was like in middle school like goose bumps so I've always been into like horror drama psychological films and books and things like that and I believe the reason why they were so good and the reason why I like watching him the red M. over and over again is because they were talking about issues that no one else is talking about and I found it fascinating and I will relate to all the stores like Hey I could find myself in this kind of character and that's actually a very good thing to do because a lot of people want to be understood however a lot of us actually need to have somebody to understand us yes yeah that's really wild pets yeah gosh yeah I really see that was just thinking about it Ricky Nye actually that he needs other people to understand him and see him and that's not what he's getting certainly and what I've read stats really and since thank the thought why cannabis or anything else you would like to talk about it because I mean it says on your profile so different for each episode making as well is that something that you want service of making TJ I don't feel making before but I haven't been in the game in a very long time so it's been about four years so %HESITATION last documentary I made was help us and it was revolving around the issues that people go through but is more drug related and the documentary is a bow and fields people from eighteen and up and basically they all have a problem with heroin and I was just trying to give people a reason you know it's a tune into my documentary to show everybody like Hey people know they hear what is going on it's not that the cops are just being silent they're still just trying to figure out ways on how to actually stop it so I've got some pretty good interviews with counselors %HESITATION cops there's also a center at the Enfield television when they're actually doing a couple of a couple of videos just trying to you know bring awareness to the actual issues going non because there's a lot of people are dying off here when and I wanted to tell people that okay there are still rehabilitation centers there are still drop boxes where you can actually drop the drugs inside the box and you will be one hundred percent anonymous and there's so many other solutions so I definitely would recommend everyone check it out the video was on YouTube all you have to do is just type in help us documentary and you'll be able to find it all great great yeah I just try to find it but I'll try again get a link up so it seems like in your creative practice do you think your work is didactic in a way that you think you're trying to get people to to see beyond the surface or to see behind the curtain kind of staying with a lot of these yeah I would definitely say that like I would just say that it's just a very like transparent way there's a different way of thinking I know on my blog unpopular opinions I always talk about like rethink everything and basically everything that you've been not everything you've been told is alive but a lot of things that you've been dealing with as a kid isn't actually normal you just been taught to believe that is normal like for example like young men like when it comes to just dealing with issues it's always drugs sex and alcohol is because of a lot of films that we see where that's just what we've seen and that's what we emulate as children but we actually don't realize that as adults this really wasn't the way to handle our things and now we're dealing with a whole bunch of other mental health issues and we have no idea what to do and now since we're afraid we're not going to actually talk about it we're just going to keep continuing the cycle yeah is there anything else you want to flag up to talk about eight to twelve or do you want said direct people where to go to find all your work right now I'm still in the works of a website of mine is actually under construction but if you just go on tour my Instagram page Caleb page cake you can just check me out on there that's where I'm most active you can look me up on Facebook a could the bears seven one six you can also check out my blogs on unpopular opinions dot com where I basically blog every Monday feel free to share with all your friends and family thank that's great is it okay if I ask you about your Instagram handle D. actually hits cake %HESITATION yeah I do actually do cake and I've never actually told anybody about this story but I'll just do a quick summary Stargate called shattered dreams by the band %HESITATION Johnny hates jazz this will be his name is why was it was more of a play on words of the actual band it didn't sound right to see Caleb page country ended with a cable it's K. and mentions it's been stuck here for like the past three years and it's funny because people like would come to my page you probably think I'm like a very hateful guy what they called the page to see all this positivity like what's all this right now like what you're shocked it's a gorgeous paying it's actually I think the year all your past Instagram post install cost you just for speak enough hope from positivity it's so lovely it's really wonderful you got a lot of inspiration there for a lot of this I think I hope you don't raise I hope I don't either but you know I I believe just leave which is eating better mentally and physically I don't think we're going to lose any time soon that's wonderful it's been so lovely talking to you yeah I really hope we can keep in touch I hope all keep smile and Connecticut's %HESITATION somebody's just says great interview you got some nice grease you definitely do well I hope that helps get word I eat for your back yeah I really encourage people to seek out hold on that I think I'll I'll try and get the back and read it all property because I'm not quite Hector really want to see what happens next is wrecking I really like them and I want to know what's going on with him and she's gonna be okay there's just no one more thing %HESITATION the Amazon paperback will actually be available August fourteenth okay I just had issues with Amazon but it'll be available August fourteenth for paperback but still right now you can get the ebook version and it'll still both books will come out August fifteenth two thousand twenty wonderful thank you so much Kayla you take care of yourself the visual cultures podcast with me call up there and my very special gas in the Paris thank you so much to him the music is common crimes by our tone licensed under creative Commons three point zero non commercial license and it is downloadable from CC mixer don't work thank you all so much for Watson this man give us all your lovely share some likes and hearts subscribe I can't expect and be access to each other

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